Thursday, August 16, 2012

Hi Handsome!

What makes a man handsome/sexy?  
Oh! It's damn easy. Just be a little (very little) careful, and you will make us want to settle for life with you. Just 10 simple things, and we are hooked.

1) Sense of responsibility.

This one knock-out punch for any level-headed quality woman. We want a man who can shoulder the responsibility of the relationship and the future family. That's what we saw in our father when growing up. When we saw our mother respecting our father for his sense of responsibility, we grew to think that our husband should also be worthy of such respect. Who wants to marry a "son"? When we find you don't miss deadlines and appointments, we know you will take charge of your share of the relationship also. I won't interrupt your cricket match on the TV because I know you won't stay up till three for it, and upset the next morning's schedule (you are responsible not to do that). I know you won't forget birthdays and anniversaries, since you have it penciled in your calendar. I won't try to organize your cupboard (and make it more difficult for you to find your things), because I know you have done that already.

In the movie "HUM TUM" (2004) the boy makes fun of the girl saying, "Pyar ko chahe bhool be jaaye, taarikhe na bhoolaye", meaning, "the girl may forget the love but not the dates". TRUE! We women don't forget dates. It's a fact. That's why  women take charge of paying the time-sensitive bills of the house.
          Fig.1 Cantilever  Beam                  Fig. 2   Simply-Supported Beam

No one wants a cantilever relationship (Fig.1), where the support is only from one side. The beam is the relationship, the two ends are the two partners in it. In a cantilever, stress develops at the fixed end, i.e. the partner who supports the relationship gets stressed, whereas the other partner is chilling and not bearing his share of the beam (relationship). On the other hand, simply-supported beam (Fig.2) is supported equally from both sides, i.e both the partner are sharing the responsibility of the relation equally, and hence, the neither of the ends develop any stress (This can be proved mathematically by simple mechanics of solids).

2) Listening.
This is more romantic than anything else. Listen for 5-10 min everyday, and we never have to "demand" time from you after a lot of piling up and bottling up in the heart. (Red flag : callousness, from either side, is a slow poison for our bond). Be a little patient, and I promise, I will bounce back. Show empathy : Don't invalidate my feelings. Don't say, "You are uselessly feeling bad". In fact, don't say much. Don't say "I don't know what to say". Simply "Hmmm" a few times, that's all. Then one hug, and I will be OK next morning. The more you listen, the less I will 'PMS', and it will vanish altogether after a few months to a few years.

3) Low entropy (orderliness)
This impresses us majorly. (It is simply a subset of being responsible). We have seen our guy friends and their messy houses, almost a ghetto. Their kitchen looks like it has been ravaged by a hurricane, and washroom makes us want to puke. Cleanliness speaks about your life and attitude. Clutter reflects that your mind and life are cluttered. If we see you have forgotten to throw the trash for over a week and your place is stinking, a long lost school friend will suddenly phone me and I will make a move. Thermodynamics also says that lower the entropy, greater is the efficiency. I need an efficient life to enjoy it more.

4) Courage.

It wins admiration. Period. Why did Kunti choose the brave and powerful Pandu in Mahabharat? Bravery NEVER goes out of fashion. Millennia of human history reiterates this : accept challenges to win your lady-love.
Hold on, hold on, I did not ask you to don an army uniform and pick up a rifle and stand on the border. Gawd! It's not that, dude! Just take risks in everyday life, and deliver what you promised. Don't disappoint. For example :
(a) Parents opposing the relationship based on ethnicity/language/religion? : have to courage to stand up and convince them. It takes balls, man.
Take firm decisions.  It adds the 'zing' to your personality. When its time to take the next step, take it. When it is time to pull the plug, do it. Don't fickle. Indecisiveness + Passivity = A Loser.
Also, be courageous to speak you feelings. Be brave to shed tears and speak your heart. We will listen for the whole night, and also bring coffee for you at regular intervals.

5) Being good at your work. Competence radiates confidence. Confidence adds that glow and makes your eyes sparkle. I get to hear good things about you from your colleagues. And man, I am dead!
Careful, careful, no over-confidence, please! The moment it tips over to arrogance, we run away. Confidence is calm and composed, not loud and attention-seeking. Koi Hero-giri nahin please, let your work do the talking. 
6) Punctuality (read Dependability) : When you make us wait and wait, and say "Me coming, just 5 minutes," repeatedly, it SUCKS! You keep me waiting for a date alone in a restaurant, it SUCKS! Bollywood has romanticized intezaar (waiting), but repeated intezaar irritates no end. It shows I am being taken for granted (Another red flag in the relationship).
Procrastination disappoints big time. If I am not high on your priority list, then bye-bye.

7) Saying her name.

This is auditory nectar. Can it be easier than this? Use the proper noun before or after you speak, and we get weak in the knees.

8) Surprises.

Make my eyes widen and jaws drop. Make me feel special, and don't make it few and far between. No need of presents, just hijack my time suddenly; or even better, kidnap me without warning. Drop in at my work and abduct me. All I want is an unplanned cup of coffee with you. I will return to work after that and work an extra hour that day. Gift me something without an occasion, and see your favorite dish served sometime later. Offer me a massage after a long tiring day, and you will get two over the weekend. The more love you give, the more you get : investment adhik nahin, buss profit hi profit.

9) Just being there.

Simply be there. Say you care. Say you understand. Throw in 2-3 mini-compliments. That's about it. I will manage the rest. We don't want 6-pack abs, 6-feet height, 6-figure salary, blah blah. Simply cuddle up next to me with a cup of coffee and let's watch a movie. Who wants diamond necklaces, when your warm arm is around? Who wants an Audi, when you can ride me on your bicycle (in front of you)? I don't want a dazzling dress : just buy me a cute bunny cap for winter (which I need). Don't have to cook a special 5-course meal for me, just make a simple breakfast on the days I am feeling unwell. We are women : hum ko chhoti chhoti cheezein pasand hain, chhoti chhoti baatein humein khushi deti hain. You don't have to build a Taj Mahal to impress us : simply ask a few thoughtful questions, and I know you are there for me.

10) Personal hygiene. 
Bathe and comb your hair, (which you mom taught you, nothing more), OK? No need of any hair-styling, or accessories, or designer wear, or visits to the spa. We hardly bother. The less the artificiality, the more we are attached to the real you. But do wear a fresh, ironed shirt and not a 5-day-old T-shirt. Too much informal or casual attitude may not let us take you that seriously.
That was easy, wasn't it?
Disclaimer : The author is a college lecturer, who need NOT be the serious, no-nonsense, preachy-type, etc.etc. all the time.

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