Friday, April 20, 2012

How a "remote township girl" learnt to be assertive.

This is what I told myself.......... 

Express your personal rights and feelings more openly. Be assertive, and you will be more relaxed. Be confident and self-reliant. Your opinions are your own.  Defend them. Take the upper hand. Dominate. Order. Command. Say what you think is right. Do what you think is right. Do not help others too much. You should not sacrifice your own schedule, rights, pleasures for anyone. You are not answerable to most people. Do not take any sh*t from anyone. Never pamper anyone. Leave things alone. Maintain distance. Do not reply to everyone. Ignore interruptions. You do not need "corrections". (No one except your GURU has the right to point out your mistakes.)
Nije jaa bhaalo bhujbe tai korbe. Aneyer kothha shunle boka bante hobe. (Do what you think is right. You may be fooled if you listened to others).
You have your own thinking, own opinion, own choices. Do not have to sound too agreeable. Be socially brave. Place your opinion strongly. No one has the right to comment upon you. You have your own personal boundary. No one should be able to influence you. No one should be able to talk you out of things. Forget changing, no one  should have the guts to even comment on your decision.
Say “ I did not ask for your opinion”.
Take up the risk of trying to influence others. Defend yourself. Show by your actions, and word,s that your thought-process is fast and substantial. Dominate those under you. You need not be scared of anyone, not even your parents. Take your own decisions and seek less opinions.
Express your own feelings honestly and respectfully. Stand up for your own rights. Do not make too many compromises. Do not pamper anyone. Express your own desires. No one has the right to give you "advice" on petty everyday things. People should be slightly scared of you. No one should have their way, by victimizing you. You have the right to refuse people time and resources. Guard your privacy. No one should intrude upon your personal space. Do not entertain too many questions. : simply reply with silence. Never discuss your problems with anyone below you.
Kissi ko sar pe mat chadhaao. (Do not let anyone sit on your head!)
Say NO. Do not be available easily. Take your time for unimportant appointments. Do things for your own happiness. Be somewhat selfish : it is very healthy.
Break out of your parents’ shadow. Make your own rules. Parent-ego must be only 10%. Be an adult. Resist being convinced, but resist mildly. Agree in part, agree in principle, or agree to disagree. Stand by what you have said. No one should be able to push you around. Do not give in often. Take up the risk of a confrontation. Do not be scared. You do not have to tolerate things.
No one can take you for a ride. No one should be able take advantage of you. Do not give too many options to people. Make less important people wait for you. If you do not like something, say it politely but firmly. If someone does not respect you, make a dignified exit.
  • You have the right to do anything you want, as long as it is legal.
  • You have the right to maintain your dignity, under all circumstances.
  • You have the right to protect your own right.
Be direct in what you say. Be honest. Do not have to pretend to like people or things, when you actually don’t like them.
Be direct, open honest. Be self-confident. Practice tit-for-tat with those who have been previously pampered.
You know how to lead your own life. You have your own priorities. No one’s opinion should be able to change you. Make it known at the outset as to how you wish to be treated by others. You do not have to 'fit in'. Justify yourself when you are right. You also have the right to change your mind. You have the right to make mistakes and under-perform on rare occasions.
You have the right to back-answer if someone is judgmental. But have no insecurities about yourself. Be relaxed and laid-back. No one should advice you about what you should do any say.
Kissi ko haq nahin hain ki tum par dhauns jamaye.
You can have a relationship with anyone you please. Your personal life is nobody’s business. You do not stand answerable to anyone about that. You have the right to walk out relationships, friendships, and associations. You do not have to tolerate anyone who is not OK in your perspective.
Do not sound 'apologetic' or 'guilty' while requesting for help. No one should say or do anything on your behalf. Pamper yourself. Indulge in luxuries; and do not feel guilty.
If anyone says or does anything abusive or offensive, s/he is DEAD for you.
ATTITUDE TO OTHERS : "Talk to me with respect else go to hell. You are not doing a favor to me by talking to me. I have the right to ignore you".
There will be a reason behind all interactions. No one will make friends without any motive.
Aami aamar shommaan o gaambhirjo niye besh aachhi.
I don’t care whether you are dead or alive. I am there for myself. I can support myself in every way.

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