Women, Patriarchy, and the Indian Economy

The wealth of a nation is determined by its Gross Domestic Product (GDP). It is a big formula as shown below. Here, the total national income is the monetary compensation of the goods and services transacted over a period of time. One can calculate the GDP from a daily basis to a yearly basis.  The GDP of a nation is directly proportional to the number of man-hours worked. One man-hour is defined as the amount of work done by a person in one hour (on an average). The more number of people participate in the workforce, the faster the wealth gets generated. 

According to the estimates of the World Inequality Report 2022, in India, men earn 82 per cent of the labor income whereas women earn only 18 per cent of it. This means that an average man is richer than an average woman. Let us look at the numbers : 

• GDP of India : USD 3.17 trillion (2021). 
• Population of India : 1.42 billion (2022)
• Female population of India : 680 million (2022), i.e., 48%.
• Workforce of India = 33% (World Bank Data)
• Female Labour Force Participation = 19% (World Bank Data), i.e., number of working women = 90 million. 
• Wealth with women : 18% (USD 0.57 trillion)
• Married women employed : 32% (National Family Health Survey, 2022), i.e. 68% of married women are inside the four walls of the house. (More women are lost to marriage than to war, famine, disease or disaster). 

The Government of India targets to build a 5 trillion GDP by the year 2025. Given the growth rate of the GDP, this target is not possible if WOMEN do not participate in the economy, and if female human resources are not used in the wealth-generation process. Yes, millions of women in India are biological 'human beings,' but not economic human resources, i.e., their efforts do not convert into money! India barely knows how to mobilize and utilize female talent. Post-1991, the historic LPG (Liberalization-Privatization-Globalization) has increased employment opportunities manifold. However, quite counter-intuitively, the female labor force participation has almost halved since the early 2000's! In an agro-based Indian culture, women are refrained by their menfolk from stepping out to work, saying "Jab hum itna kamaa rahe hain, toh darling tumko baahar jaa kar kaam karne ki kya zaroorat hain?". (The husband is secretly wanting full domestic support and company, and also has his fragile ego to maintain). And women are so emotional that they buy into it! This one single mindset has destroyed female human resources, made them non-performing assets (NPA), and has excluded them from the economy. Men are playing the money-making game almost exclusively, and women are sitting in the audience, cheer-leading. Due to millennia of socio-cultural conditioning, women have been psychologically detached from the money-making process. They have been groomed to be simply the support-systems of men, helping them chase their dreams and earn more money. Men are always standing on the shoulders of women (mothers / wives), and appearing tall in the economic field. (On the other hand, a  successful woman stands on the ground and has to stretch herself taller to appear equal to the man.)

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1. The un-monetisable "woman-hours" at home need to be limited. In an economy, 'man-hours' are monetisable, 'woman-hours' are not. While men (shrewdly) work only if they are paid for it, women often (stupidly) work for irrespective of the compensation. What she does not realize is that her unpaid labor can be easily done by an outsourced person, who will also be paid for it. Women need to realize how men are taking blatant advantage of her efforts. She cooks and serves, he eats and burps. She makes the bed, he lies on it. She dusts and arranges the sofa, he lounges on it watching TV. She does the laundry, he wears the clothes. She is warming and keeping the nest, he is flying out to new heights. She thinks she is doing all this to show her "love" for her husband / son. N.O. No. Slogging it out at home is not "love". Women have been conditioned to believe that her primary task is to 'support' men in their bread-winning endeavors. If men work for 08 hours a day, why should women work for 16 hours a day? This is where the labor-vs-compensation imbalance starts. (If you live like an assistant, expect an assistant's salary at max).
2. Women need to be shrewd and STOP working for free. Women are too emotional to understand the 'game' called economy. Yes, it is a game. You have to know to sell you worth, establish you brand, maneuver your way, and get paid for your efforts. Traditionally, men have been (competitively) distributing the wealth among themselves, exploiting women, and throwing them tit-bits. This continues to keep women poor and powerless. Women need to participate the wealth-generation process to grab a piece of the pie. Jeetna hain to khel ke maidan mein utarna padega. Naukar nahin, maalik banna padega. A woman needs to develop confidence on their abilities and credentials, and should refuse to be easily dismissed or trivialized by men. She needs to stand her ground and hold her own. She should respect their own professional skills and demand an equivalent compensation with utmost confidence. Taking this forward, she needs to start her own source of wealth-generation (job-creator), instead of being a job-seeker before a male employer. (For all of this, she needs to overcome laziness and stop have a joy-ride of patriarchy, i.e., she cannot relax and assume that the husband is supposed to earn the money by default. Instead of being driven around in her husband's car, she needs to drive her own car). Only strength respects strength, competence respects competence, courage respects courage. 
3. Men need to overcome their domestic handicap. There are enough millennial men who mouth lines on gender equality, yet want to have housewives in their personal lives, and then escapist-ly say 'Oh! it was her own choice to be a homemaker'. Men cannot have a joy-ride on the home front, being couch potatoes and sitting and preening themselves. They need to step in and reduce women's unpaid labor at home, and participate equally in running a house (it is not a hotel-cum-restaurant). They need to get up and look after their own needs, breaking gender stereotypes. Yes, they need to put in effort to look after their food, clothes, home (roti-kapda-makan). They have to stop expecting women to wait upon them and cater to them. Boys need to learn domestic skills from the age of 8. They should know to make their bed, clean their socks and shoes, put their clothes in the washing machine, fold their clothes, arrange their cupboard, put their plates away into the sink, water the plants, etc. From around age 12, sons should learn to make breakfast and snacks (e.g., sandwiches, eggs, cereal, etc.), iron their clothes, run domestic gadgets like washing machine, toaster, mixer/grinder, wash the dishes, dust their own room, clean the washroom porcelain, do pest-control, etc. By age 18, they should know to cook full meals, handle money, and look after the safety of the house. Most importantly, he needs to do all this without being told / reminded / nagged at / coaxed / blackmailed. (This is where the mother's upbringing comes in). Additionally, care-giving and hospitality are important skills to be picked up consciously by men. In this way, they will never need a woman to lean on. (This is exactly the analogy of a woman learning to earn money / drive a car / handle finances, and never to need a man to lean on). The onus of balancing work and home has to be alleviated from women right-away. 
4. The mother-son equation needs a major upgrade. Mothers, it is high time you raise your sons into independent men. Modern mothers need to stop pampering their sons and reducing them to domestically handicapped overgrown children (Peter Pan syndrome). Mama's boys will be increasingly getting rejected in the marriage market, because women today don't want to adopt a man-child in the name of marriage. The more the mother keeps the son dependent on her, the more he will require a woman (wife) in future to look after him, causing her to compromise on her career. Strategy : Forcefully break this pattern (even risking a temper tantrum). Stop picking up and cleaning up after him, making his bed, washing and ironing his clothes, dressing him up, feeding him, dusting his study table, and looking after his paraphernalia. Stop standing like a waitress as he eats. Stop picking up his thrown clothes/ towel/ socks. Stop reminding him of his next day's schedule and appointments. It is almost an extension of playing with dolls in childhood. Indian mothers often prevent sons from entering the kitchen! Remember when you do something for your son which he sufficiently capable of doing himself, you are denying him the self-esteem of being an independent person. Actually and factually, the mother panders to the son because (usually) she has nothing else to do! No job, no career, no hobbies! (How many of you can name your mom's hobby?) After the son leaves home for college, she suffers from the 'empty nest syndrome'. By then, it is too late for her to re-enter the workforce. She faces an identity crisis, leading to 15% of the total suicides, and 50% of female suicides in India (NCRB Data). Solution : the mother needs to remove her attention away from her son at regular and for increased intervals as the son grows up, and cut the umbilical chord. Stop his joy-ride ASAP. Dear Indian mother, kindly do not delay the adulting of the Indian son : your future daughter-in-law suffers if you raise a man-child. If you make him independent, three generations of women (mother, sister / wife, daughter / daughter-in-law) are spared from spending time and effort looking after him and catering to his domestic needs (for free) : all these women can prioritize their own dreams, ambition and career and start money-making (adding to the GDP). In this way, female talent is not squandered, but is used for building the nation. Men can pick up  cues from here.
5. Men cannot have the cake and eat it too. Often, a married man is more successful, has a more wholesome life, is more responsible, has a systematic daily routine, has savings, is healthier and is more dedicated; as compared to a bachelor. Marriage is seen to mature a man and anchor his life : the wife is there for constant support and encouragement. The wife is called the 'better half', because she sacrifices at least half of herself to socio-economically prop-up her husband. She is the cook, the cleaner, the attendant, the assistant, the sex-provider, the baby-producer, the culture-upholder, the public-relations-officer. It is commonly said that "Behind every successful men there is a woman". Exactly! A husband always says to his wife, "Mera saath do". Explicitly or implicitly, he is expecting the wife to hang around him 24x7x365 and support him in his domestic and socio-cultural needs, such that he himself can fully focus on his career and money-making endeavors (remember the Anubhav Sinha Thappad movie from 2020?). At the beginning of the day, he expects bed tea, breakfast, clothes, stationery, shoes, etc. to be arranged / fetched by his mother/wife. Once he returns home at the end of the day, he expects the woman to be around to serve him tea, towel, newspaper, dinner. The wife become the free yet solid platform which elevates the man. The subtraction from a woman's value goes and becomes the addition to a man's value. On the path of growth, it is not 1:1 (woman : man), but 0.5 : 1.5, or worse still, 0 : 2 (for housewives). Women think about men, and men think about themselves. Men assume that a woman, by default, will be available, supporting, compromising, sacrificing, adjusting, and can be taken for granted. Men succeed at the cost of women. In the typical Indian family structure, women have no time for themselves. She is always 'on duty', on her toes from morning till night. This is why female health, nutrition, education, mental health are all poor in India. If she thinks about herself, she is labelled "selfish" : patriarchy considers selflessness as a female virtue. Such narratives are nothing but secret strategies to sustain patriarchy. Men destroy female human resources. Period. Why cannot they excel without female domestic support? Why is he so lazy and entitled? Look at the other side of the coin. Who supports women? How many male feminists are around? Behind a woman's success is her own backbone (sometimes the father). Patriarchy is a CURSE! Men need to stop crushing women's careers. Strategy : Please make life easier for women. Men can try taking cues from here. If you prefer women as housewives / working part-time, women will tend to reduce their ambitions in order to get married. Homely, unambitious, family-oriented, part-time working women are far likely to marry early and easily. Matrimonial advertisements show this 'demand'. Hence comes in the 'supply'. Women cut short their careers to become marriageable. "Ladki zyada padh likh jaayegi to ladka milna mushkil hoga". Please see the equation below. Selfish men cost the nation a chunk of the 'missing GDP'. More women in the workforce means a decrease the denominator, and an increase in the numerator; thereby making India a developed country. All developed countries have high female workforce participation rate.
   
   
   
6. Women need to toot their own horns. Many women become scared of striving for excellence, lest she outshines her male counterpart and causes him insecurity. Women are intrinsically asked to step back and put the spotlight on the pati parmeshwar. This leaves them under-confident and less self-assured, doubting her abilities to create her own (rightful) place under the sun. Women are very hesitant to talk about their achievements. Girls are told to hide their better grades from brothers. Women declare a lower salary in the marriage market, to prevent suitors from rejecting them. Confident females face the backlash of being perceived as less likable and less hireable by the employers (who are mostly men). A typical women underestimates her abilities and has insufficient courage to project herself as a great candidate in the job market. The society has lapped up this opportunity to constantly remind women that 'she is not good enough' and that 'she should try harder'. Thinking less of themselves and suffering for the Impostor syndrome, she gets stuck under 'glass ceilings'. Instead of believing she really deserves something, she shyly attributes her accomplishment to 'luck', and distributes the credit to others! This is why she is not able to create her brand value. A cocky man, often the husband, can easily cause her to self-doubt herself, indirectly stop her from starting a new job / venture or taking up a new position / assignment / project. Women are exponentially more likely than men to self-blame and self-criticize when thing go wrong, and beat themselves up, further lowering their own self-esteem. They continue to underplay themselves and miss out on that promotion / salary raise / opportunity. That is how her full potential remains underutilized, and the nation's GDP misses out on it. 
7. Legal age of marriage need to be raised to 30. This will give women sufficient time after college to try different pursuits, make mistakes, find a calling, build a career, collect savings, and have a dwelling; before going the 'family way'. She should get the time to discover herself, fit well into the economy, form her opinions, and take her decisions. Women in India are married before they can understand the world, let alone understand the economy. Unki duniya bahut chhoti reh jaati hain. They tend to adjust their careers based on the marriage prospects, since patrilocality still is present and 97% of the migrations are by women. She is not able to focus on her growth, because at the back of her mind, she knows that her professional graph will abruptly stall the day she marries-and-relocates. Many women keep their career plans on a hold until she gets married, to start on a clean slate. Who pays the opportunity cost? The nation's GDP. For decades, girls have been outperforming boys in schools and colleges, but then have dropped out of the race of earning money. One of the reasons is due to societal pressures of 'marrying off' daughters ASAP. Marriage becomes the end-of-the-road for millions of talented, qualified, and hardworking women. Husbands assume that the wife's career is secondary (her income is simply a supplement to the 'family' income), and that she will eventually quit. Well-qualified women end up in far less-deserving and less-paying jobs, to adjust to the husband's career and move around with (behind) him. Marriage makes women disappear from the workforce and get stuck behind the 'maternal wall'. Women need to stop 'applying for the job' of wife/ daughter-in-law, and auditioning for such free roles. Superior (and paid) jobs / posts / roles can be captured (even created), with just a little ambition, confidence, and perseverance. She cannot be simply a sperm-receptacle. Indian women are already very fertile (fertility rate is 2.06 in 2022) : they have produced huge quantity, but poor quality, population. Where are the Olympic medals, the Nobel Prizes, and the Oscars proportional to the maa-ka-parvarish-kiya-hua population? Smaller countries like Japan and Germany, with far less population, are richer than India : they have an efficient and productive population to create wealth and be prosperous. Strategy : women can pick up cues from here.
8. India needs feminist fathers to grow ambitious daughters. It is the father who can prevent the reduction of  a female child into a 'woman'. Yes, one is not born but becomes a woman. The mother, as the primary up-bringer, may often end up making the daughter a replica of her, i.e., an assistant to patriarchy. Without the father's intervention and support, the female child will soon descend into becoming like her mother. He needs to lead his daughter(s) in her (their) growing-up years to become a capable human resource, who has received the education and has developed the skill-set to command a price in the economy. The father needs to vigorously monitor the school and college education for their daughters, and simultaneously teach them to be independent and dream big. He needs to explicitly tell them that she needs no one's 'permission' to work; and that there is nothing called "the husband should allow me to work". Women's empowerment begins at home. Instead of limiting her (as compared to a son), the father must stand rock solid behind the daughter's goals and ambitions. As a father, teach your daughter to step out alone, travel alone, handle the maintenance of home gadgets, read books, play sports, drive the two-wheeler/car, handle money and invest it, supervise with home-maintenance staff, manage the security of the home, read the newspaper, open a bank account, run errands, look after her bicycle, be aware of the world around, be updated about the current affairs, learn about study/employment opportunities, etc. (It is unlikely that the mother will teach all this to the daughter). The father must never ever utter phrases like "Bojh", "Paraayaa dhan", "Tum to chali jaaogi", "Tum hamare budhape ka sahaara nahin ban sakti" : this is exactly the opposite of support and encouragement. 
9. The glorification of motherhood needs to be stopped. Females need to find a calling beyond reproduction. She cannot be born just to give new birth. Then what is she herself? She needs to have a life of her own; instead of simply living for others, catering to their needs, and constantly adjusting to them. Motherhood needs to be a choice, not a compulsion. Dear society, kindly stop asking women 'when are you giving us the good news?'. Women need to create their credibility beyond what the Nature wants them to do. Women get so focused on motherhood and make it their only identity, that it is hard of employers to believe that she can deliver at work. Motherhood should be a part of life, not the whole of it. The employers, the society, and the government all need to step in and and support mothers to return to the economy as soon as possible after having a child. The society needs to systematically and widely run creches, play-schools, and professional childcare-giving centres, to prevent women from toiling and burning out. Corporate systems must have a systematic leave-system for maternity / abortion / adoption / child care (Government  organizations in India already have it). Going the 'family way' creates the biggest prejudice against women in the market. The bosses assume that 'anyways this new mom is about to quit', and therefore she gets sidelined at work, before fading out from the team. Indian moms are particularly child-obsessed. She keeps running and looking after the kid. Relax : The child you created from your belly is a natural process, not something to be included in your CV! Children start getting independent by the time they are 12. Give them space : motherhood should take a backseat at this stage. Teenagers need their space and mothering them too much only smothers them. Working mothers, who spend at least half the day away from home, raise more independent sons, who knows how to feed himself, throw the trash, answer doorbells, make emergency calls, safely run the heater / microwave / geyser, knows the neighbors, etc. 
10. Women need to think themselves as OWNERS of this land. Women spend their whole lives thinking 'it is a man's world'. Men control the core sectors of the economy (Coal, oil, power, Railways (92%)), the law-making bodies (from panchayat to parliament (89.5%)), the defense forces, and the STEM-related fields. Only 21% of the IAS officers are women (National Informatics Centre). To create a superior nation, women are as much necessary as men to run a country, if not more. She needs to understand that this land is as much hers as a man's. She should be conscious of her fundamental rights. She should stop counting on men to set everything straight for her and make the system women-friendly (Men won't, as long as it does not affect them). Women need to understand how the economy and the government machinery run. She has to understand how money spins and what creates wealth. Tumko saari pahan ke, shaadi kar ke, sindoor laga ke, surname badal ke, sasural ja ke, seva kar ke, second-class citizen banna hain kya? Desh ko haath mein laana hain to GDP mein haath bataao. Haath hote hain gande karne ke liye, naa ki mehndi lagane ke liye. GDP runs the nation (like carbohydrate), and taxes build the nation (like protein). Women need to be a capable wealth-creator and a swabhimaani (self-respecting) tax-payer. If she is a part of the GDP, it means she owns the public property also. Then she can step out of the four walls (chaar-deewari) and enjoy her ownership of everything around. Tax-paying women need to be proudly conscious that they own roads, parks, public buildings (e.g., hospitals, schools, colleges, markets, bus-stops, railway stations, police station, hotels, restaurants, libraries, banks, theaters, courts, etc.), public transport (buses / trains / cabs / metro), and that she is not a refugee in a man's world. She needs to think like a maalik, and run the show!

The day a woman has money in her hands, men start respecting her; and patriarchy dies a natural death. 

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2021 Report : Grief, Frustration, Sleep-walking, Medical issues, Betrayals.

 This year (2021) was spent in grief and disillusionment. 

January 2021

Progress in blade mould fabrication (Marine Construction Laboratory, Dept. of Ocean Engg. and Naval Architecture). 

Progress in Nacelle Fabrication (Central Workshop and Instrument Service Section). 

Mata (my Mother) passed away after a 8-month long battle with bile duct cancer and secondary breast cancer, on January 21. We knew this was coming the day she was first diagnosed. I had given up hope in the last few months. She was herself mentally prepared for it. In the final three weeks, her kidneys started failing. Her limbs became loose and she could no longer sit up. She slipped into coma for the last seven days. She had to be fed by the Ryle's tube. Her BP dropped a lot in the last three days, finally leading to a cardiac arrest. A little after 3 pm, she opened her eyes very wide and gasped for air. Her breathing got irregular. My sister tried to revive her, but to no avail. Then she stopped breathing. I checked her BP, and the machine showed an error again and again. It was all over at 3:15 pm. My brother-in-law arrived and wrote the death certificate. Her mortal body was dressed up in a saari. Relatives put garlands and wreaths. Pita broke down repeatedly. Hentu Mama, Anu Dada, Anjana Boudi, Hasan Dada, Rina di accompanied us. The hearse van started from home at 7 pm, taking her away for ever. Pita stayed back at home with Nitai Dada. Mata's mortal remains were cremated at the Nimtala Mahasmashan (which was her choice). We conducted a condolence prayer meeting in January 31; with family, relatives, friends, and neighbors.

February 2021

After grief, bereavement, and mourning; I returned to IIT Kharagpur with my father. It was time for new beginnings. The 8-month long ordeal of Mata's terminal illness had totally grounded me. With the added effect of Covid-induced lockdown, my perspective of life changed completely. For 15 years, I have been living alone, working hard and chasing dreams. Now it is time for a work-life balance.

Friends and colleagues visited us at home : Praphulla Shukla and his wife Pallavi and his mother, Col. Bagchi and his wife and daughter, Debabrata Sen and his wife, Ranadev Datta, Anirban Bhattacharya and his wife, Kiran Vijayan and his wife, Vishwanath Nagarajan and his wife, Dhrubajyoti Sen and his wife, Parama Barai, Amit Shaw, Prasun Jana, and Mohd. Rabius Sunny.

It was difficult to get up in the morning. It seemed the end of the world. The uncertainty of the future was gnawing. Nothing seemed to be the same again. Life's harsh reality had struck me hard : death is inevitable. I began feeling a huge void. The still-empty campus and online teaching was now having negative psychological effects. I was getting fatigued and feeling like a jail inmate. The whole environment was so demotivating!

Started work at a slow pace. Started the biogas plant experiment for methane quantification at the P.K. Sinha Centre for Bioenergy and Renewables, supported by PhD scholar Mr. Debjyoti Kundu. Procured items for wind turbine hub and drive train fabrication. 

The Covid situation had cut off socializing big time. Pallavi's elder daughter Gauri became my dad's student (Maths, Science). I found that interacting with people dulls the grief. A good cry is equally restorative. 

Began treadmilling at home. I have lost my fitness big time. My walking speed improved in a week. Started to enjoy it every morning. 

Settled into a new lifestyle with my dad (Pita) at home. Made him my medical dependent at IIT Kharagpur. 

Kept feeling empty. Sad. Wailed incessantly. Loss is very painful. Memories kept coming back. I missed my Mata at times (and I still do, though less frequently). School friends helped a lot in the recovery from my bereavement. 

By the end of this month, I began to feel better. Phir se zindagi muskurana sikhne lagi.

Wind turbine blade mould got ready.

March 2021

Returned to work full-time. Started working with four MBA students from VGSOM (Vinod Gupta School of management), in order to develop the business models of four ideas.

Wind Turbine Hub fabrication.

Work was exciting once again. The grief was reducing after six weeks. Things were getting back on track. Every morning I woke up looking forward to work.

Started conceiving a new 1-year program on Wind Energy Engineering, to be offered by IIT Kharagpur to wind industry professionals. Involved the subject matter experts across departments for the same.

Wind Turbine Blade Die-making in the model-making room, marine Construction Laboratory, Dept. of Ocean Engineering and Naval Architecture.

Blade stem fabrication begins. It consists of a blade stem of mild steel and a wooden block forming a sandwich.

April 2021

The main machinery of the wind turbine arrived on campus from Rajasthan. It was first inspected by Prof. D. Kastha and Prof. N.K.Kishore of the Dept. of Electrical Engineering. Thereafter, it was tested in the Machine Lab of the Dept. of Electrical Engineering by a 2nd Year PhD student. 

May 2021

A new student, Mr. Jus Jaisinghani, Dept. of Mechanical Engg., studying Manufacturing Science and Engineering, joined the Wind Turbine Project. 

I began a simple Biogas experiment in the Dept. of Chemistry, thanks to the Head, Prof. D. Ray. But the Covid second wave had stuck hard. Lockdown was imposed again! I set up a small biogas experiment in my home itself. It failed in 5 days due to too much heat. I restarted the experiment afresh with a smaller amount of manure, and this time it succeeded. 

I began writing my autobiography. It was particularly triggered by my mother's death. I wanted to document all my hitherto memories, before they evaporate from my mind. The memories from the last 38 years came flooding back, and I kept writing. It made me very nostalgic. The more I wrote, the more things I remembered and recalled. Perhaps I was defragmenting my mind and resetting it. 

In this quarter, I visited the campus hospital quite a few times, for some malaise or another. 

June 2021 (The nadir)

Lockdown continued! I was struck by the lock-down-induced depression. It was compounded by my mother's grief, which returned around her birth anniversary (June 3rd). Several friends and acquaintances helped me stay afloat. I spent three weeks going through the motions of living. Perhaps it was a much-needed break. My brain needed some time to recover from everything that happened in the last one year. I got vaccinated with Covishield in a 4-day vaccination drive organized by the IIT Teachers' Association. I also volunteered for a couple of days at the registration desk of the vaccination centre. I was sleepwalking through life once again. 

This month also completed my 10 years of work in the IIT Kharagpur campus. It also completed my 2016-21 five-year plan, in which I got lots of professional success. Now I was feeling a vacuum in my life. I was unable to see my future. I was feeling stuck in a rut. I was gripped with extreme uncertainty about where and how I will spend the rest of my life. Should I have a start-up? Should I do consultancy? Should I continue as an academic? Should I move to the industry? Should I become a freelancer? How can I stay relevant in the market? Should I start mentoring start-ups? Should I try theatre? Should I marry once again? Where should I settle down? Should I buy a house in Kolkata? Where will I bring up my next generation? Can I handle being a single mother? 

    It was a severe mid-life crisis. I was lost. I was overwhelmed. I stopped working. I spend the days mechanically. It was difficult to get up in the morning. I actually became lazy. My brain was cluttered with morbid thoughts. My confidence and self-esteem dipped. I found life meaningless. There was nothing to look forward to. I was tired of chasing dreams. I was tired of constantly proving myself. Why is nothing stable in life? What is the definition of family in my life? I began wondering what the meaning of life was. What is better : to have a job or pursue a career? How long can I live on the edge? When will my life get some stability? How do I anchor myself? I was unable to understand how to be happy. Stuck physically in a deserted campus, without having traveled anywhere in the last 15 months, made me suffocated. Life felt like a jail. Am I overthinking? Am I too ambitious? Why am I unable to settle? Is life a compromise? What is my Ikigai? I could not find it. What is the reason for me to get up in morning? I could not answer myself. What is my destiny? It seemed nothing made me excited or happy. The excitement which I had from school, college, and even in my early career until 2019 had vanished. I had lost all purpose of life. I felt nothing. I was as disinterested with life as I was ten years ago, when I had first joined IIT Kharagpur. Was I finally reaching a plateau? How long will I keep languishing here?

    I started dabbling with life. A made a profile in an online matrimonial site, but got repulsed within a week and deleted the profile. I made the cash-flow analysis of the biogas plant project and found it to be not worthwhile enough. I discontinued the work. I thought of trying theatre auditions in Kolkata, but then back-tracked. I installed Tinder and then uninstalled it within 20 minutes. I wanted to have my product-development start-up, but found that I cannot find a strong long-lasting team in academia.

    I decided to lie low and let my mind take its own course. I did a lot of soul-searching. I spoke to lots of people : friends from school, college, university; school-teachers, acquaintances, campus-colleagues, industry colleagues, well-wishers. My mind needed a reorientation. I was 38, standing in the cusp of the past and the future, at the midpoint of life. 

    Prof. Dhrubajyoti Sen (Civil Engg), Prof. Nisith Ranjan Mondal (ex-Ocean Engg), and Prof. Sirshendu De (Chemical Engg) gave me some advice. I could get some perspective. Focus is very very important. One is a brand, which needs to be constantly consolidated. One should never spread too thin. Academia must chase the industry, and not vice-versa. Industry is where the money spins. That is where the action happens. That is what is driving the market. 

    Finally, my mind stabilized and I found a sense of direction. I began trimming out the excesses from my life. I decided to focus on wind turbine engineering. The old excitement began returning. I resumed from where I left off two months ago. I got back to my on-campus wind turbine work in right earnest. I was determined to complete the work left incomplete due to the incessant Covid-induced lockdowns. I was also determined to document my wind turbine work as published papers. I wanted to make my presence felt in the wind engineering industry. I also decided to begin consultancy in structural vibrations. My mind was sorted. I got more clarity about my future. I decided to be a player (and not a spectator). 

    I began with small steps like making my bed every morning. I made a regular schedule for eating and working out. I started checking my weight and fat %age every morning, along with BP and pulse. I began looking forward to working out every other day. 

July 2021 

    To calm my mind, I began watching Mahabharat (Star Plus, 2013-14). This is what works every time. I was watching it for the first time. It was different from the Doordarshan Mahabharat, which I watched every time I needed to in the last 15 years. But I did like the efforts put in into making it. The direction, sets, costumes, screenplay, music, were all very good. I wish they had hired theatre-trained actors!

    My cholesterol was in the danger zone. The pathologist was surprised and checked my results twice. Alarm bells rang. Thanks (!) to the closure for the gym since March 2020, my workouts had gone for a toss. This was amplified with my mother's terminal illness for the second half of 2020, and the depression that followed her death earlier this year. I began working out and intermittent fasting. Started weight-training and strength-training. I also began HIIT (High-intensity interval training). On the days of active recovery, I practiced Yoga and LISS (Low-Intensity Steady State) Cardio. I was determined to be healthy. 

August 2021 

    I got addicted to working out. I became happier. I started preparing myself for the future. It would be a long  journey at this mid-career stage, but I was determined.

Wind Turbine bed plate sizing at the Central Workshop and Instruments Service Section (CWISS).

September 2021

Got a neck injury which halted my workouts. I had to go for daily physiotherapy. Had to even get an MRI for the cervical spine. Got depressed again. Making a career change is tough, especially at the mid-career level. Someone in the industry betrayed me. I was frustrated. I decided too hold my patience.

October 2021

Trip to Mumbai.

Had a fruitful visit to Oceanergy Ltd.

Another promising meeting with Indian Register of Shipping followed.

A batchmate betrayed me for an project of mine. I decided not to contact him again. 

The wind turbine work restarted. Waking up in the morning had become somewhat easier now. 

On-site primering of the wind turbine tower.

November 2021

Depressed again. Started feeling suicidal. I started hating my life. Nobody could help. Reaching out to others led to more depression (It always did!). I deleted of 50+ contacts from my phone. I left several Whatsapp groups. I deactivated Facebook. I withdrew into my blissful solitude to find my shaswat self.

Blade stem base fabrication in the Carpentry shop of Central Workshop and Instrument Service Section (CWISS). 

Market survey for wind turbine bearing, coupling, brakes, hub nut-bolts.

Depression continued. I was still sleepwalking through like and doing things very mechanically. Leadership is a lonely battle. You are always alone at the top. I began music therapy. It started helping me.

Someone in academia betrayed me. I decided not to contact him up again. 

December 2021

Cholesterol numbers showed some improvement.

Someone in the market betrayed me. I decided not to work with him again. 

Blade stem base drilling in Central Workshop and Instrument Service Section (CWISS). 

Invited lecture titled “Small Wind turbine design and fabrication : opportunities and challenges”, in the online Conference titled Advances of Renewable Energy in higher education and research”, by MNRE and the Department of Hydro and Renewable Energy (HRED), IIT Roorkee. December 2021.

Flange machining at the Training Workshop, Dept. of Mechanical Engineering.

Drive train component procurement from Kolkata by Mr. Jus Jaisinghani.

Trip to Ayodhya hills, Purulia district.

Made new plans. Senior well-wishing professors helped me. Started looking forward to my ambitions again. Waking up in the morning became easier. The physical lethargy, which had plagued me for most of the year, started receding steadily. Waking up became more easier. New students joined the Wind Turbine Project team :

1) Mr. Nirbhay, 3rd year, Dept. of Mechanical Engg.

2) Mr. Pritam Das, 2nd year, Dept. of Electronics and Electrical Communication Engg.

3) Ms. Bhaswati Sen, (Intern), 2nd Year, Civil Engg., IIEST Shibpur.

New subject matter expert joined for the Electronic Controls systems Design of the Wind Turbine : Dr. Chirodeep Bakli, School of Energy Science and Engg. 

Bearing Stand fabrication by Mr. Nirbhay at the Marine Construction Lab.

Microcontroller purchase. Programming by Mr. Pritam Das.

Coupler machining, Hub assembly .

Someone in the academia again betrayed me. I decided not to contact him again. After all such betrayals, I lose respect of people who cannot stay true to their word. Too many people make fake promises too often. I am amused at how little self-respect they have. I have met very very few genuine, authentic, shaswat people. 

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By the end of this year, I was feeling better. Much better. The wind turbine project work had picked up and I began enjoying it. I took charge of my dreams once again. Mujhe waapas apna saath mil gaya. All throughout the year I was getting 'advice' like "Try yoga, meditation, hobbies, therapy, counseling....blah. blah. blah". All crap! Total bullshit! Sab naatak hain! All of these are merely coping techniques, not the real solution. These are all time-pass pursuits, for people who have to somehow kaato their lives on the planet. Can I be honest? Even spirituality seems like an escapist pursuit! Not doing something productive for the world is criminal. And that is why, none of the above techniques work for me, except my own Karma-yog. I got back to work in full swing, and my mind restored to its normal (ambitious) equilibrium, as if nothing had happened! Work is my dignity, my freedom, my identity. This, and only this, is what defines my astitva and qualifies my self-worth (wajood). I picked up from where I had left off months ago, and pressed the accelerator.  One thing lead to the other, and opportunities began multiplying as I seized them ruthlessly. Now there was no looking back!