January 2025
After a 2-week vacation, I was looking forward to starting work, but fell sick with a bad laryngitis. Lost my voice for over a week.
As a new technical lead (TL), and working with a new Senior Technical Lead (STL)/Value Stream lead (VSL), I began enjoying my work more. Handling 2-3 projects at time, content-switching between them, managing stakeholders, clearing off my table of all pending work, all of this began giving me a new high.
Invited talk at Danfoss, "Noise and Vibration in Pumps". Met Dr. Thangasivam Gandhi and his team. It was a 3-hour talk. I got good reception and feedback.
February 2025
Started making to-do lists every morning at work. It was more exciting : to be on the top of work now. I saw more stakeholders aligning with me and counting on me directly.
Little did I know it was the calm before the storm.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In my annual appraisal, my manager said he is 'not happy' with my "developmental activities", e.g. "corporate behavior"! Basically, he needed every employee to very absolutely compliantto the company, an work like silent slaves. The report was politically manipulated and intentionally screwed, with the sinister motive to drive me out of the organization. This was due to two very strong reasons: (i) I was too expensive, (ii) My manager's pet and second-in-command simply hated me from Day#1 (he was arrogant, snooty, yet technically highly questionable. As a senior person with strong technical background, I was an eyesore and a roadblock to him). Yet my manager wanted me and others to suck up to him and lick his boots.
Shelving of Offshore Wind Turbine projects and cancelling of Projects in USA made the situation worse. The company was not doing well. Hiring freeze for 2025 was announced. Layoffs were looming large on mid-career people (who were too costly).
I could see who back-stabbed me. I realised everyone is everyone's enemy in corporate. It was painful; and I had to cut off ties with them for good.
March 2025
After a one-week vacation at Kolkata, I pulled up my socks and started working harder in office (wrong decision). It was not feasible. I started feeling burnt out. This was neither sustainable nor required : the corporate soujourn was already over for me. My meetings with my boss had gotten increasingly difficult in the last one year. He was nitpicking on trivial non-technical and clerical issues, not related to work at all. It was simply and only about people management (read politics). People were blatantly stealing credit for my work. The boss had innumerable blind spots : he just could not see anything unless it was showcased and reminded of him on a daily basis. It was evident how some other people were doing that quite smoothly, and the boss was getting swept off his feet. It was all about show-off.
This was just not a place for me! I polished my CV and started looking for a new job. Actually, I wanted a place which could fully utilize me potential.
April 2025
I had a frank discussion with my manager. It was simply not working between us. I was not able to cater to his expectations of "corporate behavior" and "people management", and I felt grossly under-utilized as a resource. I did not come here to do clerical work! I did not come here to get belittled by people half of my age/ qualification/ knowledge/ experience/ technical acumen. I did not want to work in a place where your competence counts only 10%, and the rest 90% goes for "people skills" (politics, faking, diplomacy, smooth-talking, showcasing, shallowness, back-biting, stealing credit, etc.). That is supposedly called "Corporate behavior". This was so not me! I had always seen and been in merit-based environments. I have gotten used to seeing and maintaining high technical standards for decades. What is saw here was abysmal, to say the least. The work standards were appalling. The technical expertise of the team was almost non-existent. Everyone was simply running tools and processes like clerks. A single undergraduate-level technical sentence from me scared off people. It made my head reel. I was epic-level bored by Dec 2023 itself, and completely mentally disconnected by Sept 2024. I had understood that nothing here would improve. Technical communication, presentation, and writing skills were zilch. A few hardworking sincere people were getting overlooked and sidelined, while those who buttered the boss got out-of-turn promotions. All my innovative ideas were brushed under the carpet in the last one year: I was asked only to run tools and processes. I felt ignored all the time. My brain was seemingly rotting here. From Day 01, I never connected with this job. Every task was almost an irritating activity for me. The messy process was actually hurting my brain. I kept doing it extremely reluctantly. Sitting before the screen all day long, using the keyboard, headset, and mouse non-stop, having low-substance long meetings (with no one taking responsibility), flowery managerial jargon flying past in emails and calls, everything appeared extremely shallow. I was exasperated and unhappy. The meetings and discussions were so boring that my mind used to wander away every minute. I had to put in excruciating effort to keep myself focused on any single meeting / discussion. Nothing was worth my energy here. The job was repetitive and there were no milestones for me. I cannot recall a single feeling of achievement at any time during the 2 years. Everything was pretty mundane. I was (ridiculously) called out for irrelevant skill-gaps in clerical tools (which can be easily known in a minute through ChapGPT)! Was that the reason I was hired here?! The boss gave random "developmental activities" over the year. Raising any roadblock-issue always backfired : the boss was too retaliatory, and the blame fell back on us only! His micromanagement was exasperating to most team members. He always asked personal questions and poked his nose into personal/family decisions of people. 6 out of 15 people quit in the last 6 months of 2024.
It was below my dignity to play this game. It is not my nature. I have been a solid person since childhood. I cannot fake and showcase things and usurp undue credit. I simply cannot suck up to higher management and wag my tail before them. Perhaps this low-IQ job was never for me. I realised how much I missed R&D : my fulfilment zone, where I could work passionately and was in my best professional self. Actually, talent needs freedom. It needs space to give great outputs. Excellence does not come when you are held at gunpoint. Industry turned out to be a place of mediocrity (or inferiority?). I was sitting among the wrong species. This was so not my tribe. (Enough people had asked my teammates, "What is a professor doing here?"). It was time to return to my optimal space again, where my expertise would be best utilized, leading to maximum fulfillment.
Truthfully, I had not 'joined' this company. While working at IIT-KGP since 2011, and living in a small isolated town, I was secretly wanting to relocate to a big city since 2012. After trying to move out since 2016 (attempting both academia and industry), the opportunity finally after 12 long years. I got a decent offer, which I grabbed and broke free from that black-hole. I was breathing free and began healing. I wanted to make the industry my future and be satisfied.
But I realized this was only a sojourn. It was actually me who was faking all alone, without the meta-cognition. I was trying to convince myself that this was going to be the future. But every connection is not meant not work : this was one such failed attempt. I could not pretend anymore. I just could not do this low-IQ activity. That is why I had been disinterested all along. It was time to respectfully exit. I needed to abrase my brain of all the low-IQ rust it had accumulated in 2 years. I had almost forgotten who I am. I had forgotten the sound of my own voice, which had not addressed a full room for 2 years. Tied to a laptop for a full day, having routine clerical tasks (in the name of engineering) to be done, sitting at yawn-meetings, do boring repetitive work : this was just not me. It was time to part ways. It was a professional 'mutual divorce'. The two-year experience in corporate was over.
I took about a week to process this huge change again coming in my life. Emotions (frustration and anxiety) ran high. Future became uncertain once again. Thankfully, lots of friends supported me through this, especially DJ (IITM). He put it really well for me : "I was a warhorse, being asked to dance in the wedding!" Another friend said, "In Ramayan, even Hanuman had forgotten his powers, and Jaambavant had to remind him; and then Hanuman came into his full form and flew across the ocean". A third friend said, "It is unfair, almost illegal, to lose sleep over this in spite of having an accomplished CV". A professional contact was shocked, and so were several friends. Some kept sending me links to various suitable openings, thoughtfully.
Began feeling better after 15 days. I had moved on. I was back in the market : for the first time in real! Was ready for the thrill!
It was time for Brihannala to shed the incognito (Agyaat-Vaas) and become Arjun (Warrior)..... once again!
May 2025
Started contacting my network far and wide. Contacted various top universities of India. Found lots of support. Academia applications started.
Kept investing my savings and re-invested my already profit-making my mutual funds. I calculated that I was already in a position to retire! I thanked my financial discipline of saving and investing since I was 25. Hence, the pressure of finding as job ASAP was gone.
Applied to Mahindra University (MU), Hyderabad, Ecole Centrale School of Engineering, Department of Mechanical and Aerospace engineering. Travelled to Hyderabad to present my research seminar and interact with the faculty. Interacted with the Head of the Dept. Prof. Debasis Chakraborty, and several other faculty. Gave my first research seminar in two years! Felt so good! My muscle memory was still there. I felt alive again! Talking in front of an audience in a seminar room, explaining technical depth of my research, showcasing my IIT KGP wind turbine project, detailing my future R&D and teaching plans : it was just the first return to the magic! (BTW, got a throat ache by the end of the day : hadn't spoken this much in one single day since the last 2 years!).
June 2025
Academia applications continued. Applied to BITS Pilani, IITB, IITM, IITGn.
Had a second round of (online) interview at MU with the external panel for 20 min. Met Prof. Sriram (IITM, AE) and Prof. D.K.Maiti (IITKGP, AE), along with the Dean of MU (Dr. Bishnu Pal) and the VC (Dr. Yajulu Medury). Negotiations began the next week, and the offer was finalized with a good hike from my previous CTC.
Began sleeping properly again. There was no more of morning chest pain. Resumed Swimming. The celebrations caused me to gain 3 kgs! With my career back on track again, I resigned from my corporate job. It was a 3-month notice period. Started reducing the workload. Worked from home : I did not want to soak in that corporate energy again. WFH helped drain out those office vibes and re-tune my brain back to my real self.
July 2025
Started looking after myself and my life again after 5 months : skin care routine (bleach, facial, turmeric mud bath), walking and swimming, healthy eating (deleted order-in apps), cooking, diary-writing, making travel plans, reconnecting to my earlier ambitious self.
Working during the notice period became so irritating! I was completely mentally disconnected, and just kept sleepwalking through it, counting days for relief.
Bengaluru Visit to DJ's house. Stayed at Hoodi. Revisited Gopalan Grandeur, where I had stayed during my GE sabbatical in 2018. Also, dined at Vivanta by Taj at Whitefield.
Visit to IIT Madras, Dept. of Mechanical Engineering. Met Prof. Dhiman Chatterjee and Prof. Shyama Prasad Das.
August 2025
Talk at IISc Bengaluru, ICER (Interdisciplinary Centre of Energy Research). Met the faculty members and spoke to a full classroom of students. Felt energized again! I was returning to my original avatar, and this was just the warm-up.
Visit to Vandalur Zoo. Touring in Chennai (Marine Beach, Santhome Basilica).
After 2 months of WFH, went to office for the one last week. I gave harsh and critical feedback to the Senior HR. Closed my projects, handed over my work, met acquaintances over tea, and was given a customary "farewell" by the department. The corporate chapter was closed. I had understood this toxic masculine culture; and decided that I will not come in the vicinity of its toxicity ever again. I was breathing free. My home was my own again, not intruded by the office laptop!
It was the end of 20 years of hard work to prove and establish myself. Enough was enough. I decided to focus on my personal and social life now on.
Tried dating for one last time: two attempts failed, and I decided to make this aspect of my life extinct. Bonding with a male was not possible with my mental chemistry. I rather made a clean mind-switch towards what suits me best: nurturing, uplifting, motivating, supporting, facilitating, encouraging, mentoring. Began looking forward to motherhood by adoption.
September 2025
Kolkata Trip. Met my family after 6 months (after a long duration full of turmoil and anguish).
Trip to New Delhi. Qutub Minar, Lotus Temple, Akshardham; Red Fort, India Gate, War memorial, Rashtrapati Bhavan Amrit Udhya, Kartavya Path. I travelled the whole city by the metro, and sometimes by auto-rickshaws.
Touring Chennai for one final time: Dakskin Chitra living museum.
After 19 months, I went to watch a movie on big screen : Jolly LLB3. (Somehow I have stopped liking movies: whatever the movie, I always feel bland and bored).
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Once again, I found my old excitement returning after 2 years. I began feeling more like my original self. The corporate slavery and pretentious hustle were behind me. I was returning to my natural habitat. Started wrapping up from Chennai.
October 2025
Welcome to Hyderabad. Joined Mahindra University. Completed the formalities. Got a cabin and a desktop. Met new colleagues. Was assigned new subjects to teach from Spring 2026. Stayed in the MU Guest house for three weeks.
Travelled to Chennai for the one last time, relocated my stuff, cleared the dues of my housekeeper, and surrendered my old apartment back to the landlord. The sun set for the last time for me in Chennai. It was time for a new beginning.
Began settling in my new house, after it was deep-cleaned by the new landlord. Completed the move-in formalities with the security office. The relocation truck moved in and installed the major furniture and goods. Called the electrician and plumber for initial checks (DB, meter, etc.) and the washing machine set-up. Got the water purifier installed. Got the internet service started. Neelam got a new tag and a parking spot in the basement. A housekeeper was hired for the morning 7 am slot.
It was a whole new life beginning. The new lifestyle took some time to settle in. Donated old books, clothes, linen, utensils, electronics, decoration items. Felt much better after this shedding all excess baggage. Reverting towards minimalism was so comforting! The main balcony had a beautiful view of the clubhouse, swimming pools, and the tennis courts. My morning cup of tea sitting there was the best way to start the day.
Got my first two research students (UG). Began writing my first conference paper after 2.5 years! Gave the advertisement for the first PhD student.
November 2025
Started cooking after 7 years. After 2+ years of home-delivery of grocery, I began going to the supermarket again. It helped me pick and choose the right things, esp. the fresh items. Started walking in the evenings and exploring the apartment complex. It had 11 blocks of 15-storey each, with 8 flats in each floor. The clubhouse was amazing!
Started getting packed lunch from home. That saved me a trip to the Main building's executive Dining Hall. Installed a boiler in the room for making tea/coffee. Slowly and steadily, I saw my old momentum from IITKGP resuming. Coupling minimalism with systematization make my domestic life smooth.
Two more UG students joined my research group.
Cooking became enjoyable after many years of non-practice. Started making chicken curry, fish curry, chhole, baigan bharta, pulao, mixed veg, pasta, custard, pudding, etc. on different days of the week. Started having honey-lemon water in the morning and turmeric milk at night. Resumed hair care and skin care, turmeric bath every Sunday, and lots of hydration.
Physical activities saw a quantum jump. I restarted Yoga in right earnest, stretching myself as much as I could. Every morning, I looked forward to rolling out my Yoga mat, with meditation music playing on my smart TV. The Aasanas was opening up my pelvic girdle and lower body. I could feel the tautness around the site of the 2023 microdiscectomy dissolving.
Medium-Intensity Steady-State (MISS) cardio was 2 times a week, High-Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) cardio was 2 times a week. I also included upper body weight-training (with 5 kg dumbbells) and lower body strength training (using body weight) twice a week.
In the meantime, news came from my old company: 900 people were laid off worldwide! And this was just the beginning of the bloodbath. Heard that the next phase would be expected in April 2026.
December 2025
Yoga became more organized and intentional. Each pose was held for 60 seconds, with my phone-timer keeping watch of the duration. Weight-training / Strength-training became exciting. Every such session was followed by two boiled eggs. As the lunges, wide squats, chest press, shoulder raise and chest flies improved in form, I started gaining strength and stability. My posture and gait improved. Soon, I was walking faster. The back pain was gone.
Cooking came into a routine: making fresh dinner was a pleasure. Mornings were fueled with banana milkshake with almonds and peanuts, with raisins and cherries for sweetness.
My old applications to IITs and other academia began returning calls. But this time, I refused to spend my mental bandwidth on it. IIT was over for me. It had held my mind in ransom for 30 years. Yes, since 1996, when (in class 9) I had first heard of this name and had begun preparing to crack the IITJEE. Until 2022, I was always trying to meet its expectations and requirements, keeping my normal life on hold. I decided I will not let this monster rule my thoughts ever again. I had found my new stable equilibrium.
Physical activity became addictive. I got new walking shoes. I was determined to reinvent my body with strength, cardio and Yoga trainings. Started blogging again. Connected back to myself.
Summary
