Disclaimer : this is about men born and brought up IN Bengal, and not the lakhs of Bengalis residing elsewhere in India and the world.
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Bengali men (and women) shaped India's modern history. The face of Indian culture changed through the Bengal Renaissance. Starting with Raja Ram Mohan Roy, Bengal saw a landslide of patriots, leading India into intelligent, educated nationalism, heralding the era of Modern India. Look at this unending list of visionaries : Ishwar Chandra VidyaSagar, Swami Vivekanand, Rabindranath Tagore, Netaji Subhas Chandra Bose, Bipin Chandra Pal, Keshav Chandra Sen, Syamaprasad Mukherjee, Aurobindo Ghosh, Bidhan Chandra Roy, Jagadish Chandra Bose, Meghnad Saha, Ashutosh Mukherjee, Saytendranath Bose, Bankim Chandra Chattopadhyaya, Sarat Chandra Chattopadhyaya, Devendranath Tagore, Micheal Madhusudan Dutta, Satyajit Ray.
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More than a century ago, Rabindranath Tagore wrote this poem : titled বঙ্গমাতা (Mother Bengal)
পূণ্যে পাপে দুঃখে সুখে পতনে উত্থানে
মানুষ হইতে দাও তোমার সন্তানে
হে স্নেহার্ত বঙ্গভূমি, তব গৃহক্রোড়ে
চিরশিশু করে আর রাখিয়ো না ধরে।
দেশদেশান্তর-মাঝে যার যেথা স্থান
খুঁজিয়া লইতে দাও করিয়া সন্ধান।
পদে পদে ছোটো ছোটো নিষেধের ডোরে
বেঁধে বেঁধে রাখিয়ো না ভালোছেলে করে।
প্রাণ দিয়ে, দুঃখ স’য়ে, আপনার হাতে
সংগ্রাম করিতে দাও ভালোমন্দ-সাথে।
শীর্ণ শান্ত সাধু তব পুত্রদের ধরে
দাও সবে গৃহছাড়া লক্ষ্মীছাড়া ক’রে।
সাত কোটি সন্তানেরে, হে মুগ্ধ জননী,
রেখেছ বাঙালী করে, মানুষ কর নি।
মানুষ হইতে দাও তোমার সন্তানে
হে স্নেহার্ত বঙ্গভূমি, তব গৃহক্রোড়ে
চিরশিশু করে আর রাখিয়ো না ধরে।
দেশদেশান্তর-মাঝে যার যেথা স্থান
খুঁজিয়া লইতে দাও করিয়া সন্ধান।
পদে পদে ছোটো ছোটো নিষেধের ডোরে
বেঁধে বেঁধে রাখিয়ো না ভালোছেলে করে।
প্রাণ দিয়ে, দুঃখ স’য়ে, আপনার হাতে
সংগ্রাম করিতে দাও ভালোমন্দ-সাথে।
শীর্ণ শান্ত সাধু তব পুত্রদের ধরে
দাও সবে গৃহছাড়া লক্ষ্মীছাড়া ক’রে।
সাত কোটি সন্তানেরে, হে মুগ্ধ জননী,
রেখেছ বাঙালী করে, মানুষ কর নি।
– রবীন্দ্রনাথ ঠাকুর
Bengali men (and women) shaped India's modern history. The face of Indian culture changed through the Bengal Renaissance. Starting with Raja Ram Mohan Roy, Bengal saw a landslide of patriots, leading India into intelligent, educated nationalism, heralding the era of Modern India. Look at this unending list of visionaries : Ishwar Chandra VidyaSagar, Swami Vivekanand, Rabindranath Tagore, Netaji Subhas Chandra Bose, Bipin Chandra Pal, Keshav Chandra Sen, Syamaprasad Mukherjee, Aurobindo Ghosh, Bidhan Chandra Roy, Jagadish Chandra Bose, Meghnad Saha, Ashutosh Mukherjee, Saytendranath Bose, Bankim Chandra Chattopadhyaya, Sarat Chandra Chattopadhyaya, Devendranath Tagore, Micheal Madhusudan Dutta, Satyajit Ray.
The 1857 First war of Independence began in Bengal (Mangal Pandey at Barrakpur). The dare-devil revolutionary movement, following the 1905 Partition of Bengal; scared the daylights out of the English Sahibs of the then British-ruled India. Khudiram Bose, Masterda Surjya Sen, Binay-Badal-Dinesh, Jatin Das, the list goes on. Subhash Bose shook that Empire with his Indian National Army.
Modern education started in Bengal. The most intelligent and intellectual people were here.
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That was almost a century ago. Independence was here! Society began to have some new democratic rules. Independence made the average Indian complacent. "Let's relax, now that we have achieved what we want after decades of struggle....", was the common attitude. Independent India's Bengal saw a completely different breed of Bengali men, completely run out of steam.
1) Mama's boys. Here is a real life incident. Two of my Bengali students were always impunctual. Reason : "I walk in the 500-acre campus : it is time-consuming. My mother told me that my horoscope says I should not ride a two-wheeler". I didn't laugh because "mother" and "horoscope" are two 'sento' things for Bengalis. Cut to a household scene in North Kolkata "MAaaaaa, khide peyechhe, khete daao" ("Maa, I am hungry"), says my parents' neighbor's 36-yr-old married son to his mother. Either their mothers prevent them from growing up, or they themselves refuse to grow up.
Bengali mothers are over-protective and son-obsessed. (Watch the movie "Ichhe" for details). Thus, the sons are used to being asked question after question by their mothers about where they are, what they are doing, when are they coming home, etc.etc. They are OK with their personal freedom being intruded upon - "She is my mother after all!". No wonder Bengal's deities are women : Durga, Kali, Saraswati, Lakshmi.
Even if it is a love-marriage, he will keep quiet when his mother is pressurizing his wife into certain things. "Maa-er opor kichhu bolte paarbo na". In front of mothers, they are all go-bechaaraa's". And in the worst case, if the mother starts crying, he will melt completely.
Even if it is a love-marriage, he will keep quiet when his mother is pressurizing his wife into certain things. "Maa-er opor kichhu bolte paarbo na". In front of mothers, they are all go-bechaaraa's". And in the worst case, if the mother starts crying, he will melt completely.
2) "Nyaka". Affected. The deity Kartikeya (Murugan or Su
3) Indecisive. Meek, docile, passive. "Ki korbo bhujte parchhi na", "Ki mushkil holo!".Cannot take a stand. They will speak intellectually about women's liberation, and then quietly surrender to patriarchy. Just see the hypocrisy : they will mouth lines like "Bengali women have the greatest freedom in India, as compared to non-Bengali women", but then marry a docile agreeable beta-female who will wear sindoor, shaankha, pola and silently obey are patriarchal norms. You will here "no" more often than "yes" from them. They will love sitting at home the best, taking REST. They do not have the courage to disturb the system. Can you imagine Bengali boys in the movie "Zindagi na milegi Dobara", doing deep-sea diving, sky-diving, or running with the bulls? As you travel from West to East, you will find the Taamsik-ta (sloth or sluggishness) increasing in the culture. Even the posture and gait show a lack of confidence. Life is a majboori and not an exciting challenge.You will find indecisiveness, procrastination, confusion, increasing your life's inertia and decreasing the momentum. They do not have the courage to disturb the system. They will act like non-conformists but end up conforming.
4) Non-romantic. Bengali BF-GF address each other most informally, like chaddi-buddies. Where is the spark? Dates with them are boring. Where is the chemistry? They don't know how to woo and court. They make fun of each others sexual desires. They clumsily kiss and never say "I Love you". Yuck! Where is the passion?
A Bengali boy in college wanted to date me, and he came to my hostel with an army of friends, whose commander-in-chief came a told me his wish. (He himself did not have the guts to speak up). I sent the platoon off in 2 min. Another chap in college picked up the phone and asked me (without identifying himself), "How much is your weight?". I hung up (read banged the phone). Another ex-groom from Bharatmatrimony.com used to call me up (after rejection) and then keep quiet on the phone (he was either stammering or muttering 'romantic' nothings, I could not decipher). After waiting for full 3 minutes for him to speak, I blasted him off!
They will not give you birthday gifts. They will not plan surprises for you. They will not plan for the weekend together. Very few will have a spark, a zing in their personality. In rare cases, if they propose, they do it in the most subtle manner, and follow it with sheepish smiles, and not with romantic hugs. (My room-mate in USA told this to me about her BF (when he proposed). He did not say "Is that a YES?". He said "I hope you not saying NO to me". Look at the lack of confidence and chivalry!)
Love marriages also need to be 'arranged with the parents'! You will hardly hear a typical Bengali boy eloping to marry his GF : utna dum nahin hain khokaa mein! After marriage, they cannot address each other by names!. Their addressal is "Hyan go, sunchho?"(Puke!). Bengali men never praise their wives in public. They would rather criticize each other, esp. in an arranged marriage. (I have seen enough of that among the previous generation).
A Bengali boy in college wanted to date me, and he came to my hostel with an army of friends, whose commander-in-chief came a told me his wish. (He himself did not have the guts to speak up). I sent the platoon off in 2 min. Another chap in college picked up the phone and asked me (without identifying himself), "How much is your weight?". I hung up (read banged the phone). Another ex-groom from Bharatmatrimony.com used to call me up (after rejection) and then keep quiet on the phone (he was either stammering or muttering 'romantic' nothings, I could not decipher). After waiting for full 3 minutes for him to speak, I blasted him off!
They will not give you birthday gifts. They will not plan surprises for you. They will not plan for the weekend together. Very few will have a spark, a zing in their personality. In rare cases, if they propose, they do it in the most subtle manner, and follow it with sheepish smiles, and not with romantic hugs. (My room-mate in USA told this to me about her BF (when he proposed). He did not say "Is that a YES?". He said "I hope you not saying NO to me". Look at the lack of confidence and chivalry!)
Love marriages also need to be 'arranged with the parents'! You will hardly hear a typical Bengali boy eloping to marry his GF : utna dum nahin hain khokaa mein! After marriage, they cannot address each other by names!. Their addressal is "Hyan go, sunchho?"(Puke!). Bengali men never praise their wives in public. They would rather criticize each other, esp. in an arranged marriage. (I have seen enough of that among the previous generation).
When India was attacked, western India defended it (Punjabis, Rajasthanis, Marathis, etc.). What valor, what courage! How many Bengali contemporaries of PrithviRaj Chauhan, Raana Sangha, Maharaja Ranjit Singh, KrishnaDeva Raya, Rajendra Chola, or Shivaji Bhoshle, have you heard of? Bengalis learnt courage and valor temporarily for 4-5 generations (1820-1950). Hundreds sacrificed their lives under the British Empire, and I salute them. But then, it was lost after 1940's.
5) Escapist. They can change the topic of conversation at their convenience. They can make jokes out of a serious conversation and trivialize it, almost invalidate it. If you are angry/frustrated/irritated about something; they will add fuel to the fire by further irritating you (They like pissing you off). They will not contribute to the house-work, but will give 'expert opinions' about the running of the house. They will launch 'big projects' and then you will have to execute them : e.g. they will plan to make beaten coffee. They will sit at a place and ask you to get the coffee powder, sugar, and milk in the correct composition, and hand them over him in a cup with a spoon. They will simply do the stirring. They will beat it for an hour. After that, it will left to you to boil the milk and serve the coffee.
They will not wash their car/scooter everyday. Once in a blue moon, they will dissect their vehicle and be struck in the garage for the whole day. Wonder why they are so messy, when they claim to be perfectionists!
They are moody : remember Devdas, or Shekhar from Parineeta? (Moodiness is actually masked escapism, nothing more).
They are very Aaram-priyo : Doing physically-demanding work seems to be below their dignity (They are intellectuals and are supposed to use their brain only!). How many sports-persons do you heard of from here? "Aar paari na (I can't take it anymore)" is what you will hear often. Bengalis will not prefer physically challenging professions. As a back-lash, Bengalis are known to be talkative. (The energy has to be spent somewhere, right?). They talk descriptively, wordily, and animatedly. And don't mistake the verbosity for intellect!
Recently, I travelled on a 18-day tour with a Bengali group to the Himalayas : none of them could trek to Gaumukh (3889 m) or Kedarnath (3584 m above MSL). Boys 7-8 years younger than me went sissy-ly upon mule-back, my sister-in-law and myself trekked up, and the rest stayed back in Gangotri (total surrender)! In the 14 km Kedarnath trek, all (except both of us) surrendered in less than 1 km, and were escorted on mule-back. Is a 1:8 incline that difficult?
Laziness : their low energy levels will sicken you. (You will almost want to force-feed them some Glucon-D!) They walk so slowly! Is it because of the humid weather? NO. Japan has hot and humid summer, and the Japanese have the world-renowned hardworking nature. Same is true for Mumbai. It is just plain attitude/culture in Kolkata.
Heard of taxi-refusals? It happens in Kolkata. On your face, the cabbie will bluntly say "I am not in an mood to drive you" or "I have a headache" or simply "I won't go". It this particularly common between 1pm-4pm and after 9 pm : it's time to sleep na!. (Compare that to Mumbai where you can avail a taxi 24/7).
Durga Puja is basically for 4 days only (in October). But it becomes the "festive season" from Vishwakarma Puja (Sept 17) to Kartik Puja (mid November). For 2 months, Bengal refuses to contribute to the GDP. All meetings are postponed, all appointments are cancelled, all projects are shelved.
As if these 2 months are not enough, we have the politically motivated Bandh-culture (strike), which is usually on a Friday or a Monday, for the common Bengali to laze around in a long weekend. There are no political outcomes of a Bandh anyways. Avoiding work is extremely common: you will see people in office reading the newspaper Aanando Baajaar Potrika online at 10 am, when it is business time. They can halt work and take a smoking-break, even if 10 others are waiting for them to come back and resume the work. Taking "REST" is a priority.
The suicide rate in India is 18.1, higher than the national average of 11.2. This is 12.2% of all the suicides in India!!! And of course, men commit more suicide than women. Heard of the metro suicides? All were men.
They will not wash their car/scooter everyday. Once in a blue moon, they will dissect their vehicle and be struck in the garage for the whole day. Wonder why they are so messy, when they claim to be perfectionists!
They are moody : remember Devdas, or Shekhar from Parineeta? (Moodiness is actually masked escapism, nothing more).
They are very Aaram-priyo : Doing physically-demanding work seems to be below their dignity (They are intellectuals and are supposed to use their brain only!). How many sports-persons do you heard of from here? "Aar paari na (I can't take it anymore)" is what you will hear often. Bengalis will not prefer physically challenging professions. As a back-lash, Bengalis are known to be talkative. (The energy has to be spent somewhere, right?). They talk descriptively, wordily, and animatedly. And don't mistake the verbosity for intellect!
Recently, I travelled on a 18-day tour with a Bengali group to the Himalayas : none of them could trek to Gaumukh (3889 m) or Kedarnath (3584 m above MSL). Boys 7-8 years younger than me went sissy-ly upon mule-back, my sister-in-law and myself trekked up, and the rest stayed back in Gangotri (total surrender)! In the 14 km Kedarnath trek, all (except both of us) surrendered in less than 1 km, and were escorted on mule-back. Is a 1:8 incline that difficult?
Laziness : their low energy levels will sicken you. (You will almost want to force-feed them some Glucon-D!) They walk so slowly! Is it because of the humid weather? NO. Japan has hot and humid summer, and the Japanese have the world-renowned hardworking nature. Same is true for Mumbai. It is just plain attitude/culture in Kolkata.
Heard of taxi-refusals? It happens in Kolkata. On your face, the cabbie will bluntly say "I am not in an mood to drive you" or "I have a headache" or simply "I won't go". It this particularly common between 1pm-4pm and after 9 pm : it's time to sleep na!. (Compare that to Mumbai where you can avail a taxi 24/7).
Durga Puja is basically for 4 days only (in October). But it becomes the "festive season" from Vishwakarma Puja (Sept 17) to Kartik Puja (mid November). For 2 months, Bengal refuses to contribute to the GDP. All meetings are postponed, all appointments are cancelled, all projects are shelved.
As if these 2 months are not enough, we have the politically motivated Bandh-culture (strike), which is usually on a Friday or a Monday, for the common Bengali to laze around in a long weekend. There are no political outcomes of a Bandh anyways. Avoiding work is extremely common: you will see people in office reading the newspaper Aanando Baajaar Potrika online at 10 am, when it is business time. They can halt work and take a smoking-break, even if 10 others are waiting for them to come back and resume the work. Taking "REST" is a priority.
The suicide rate in India is 18.1, higher than the national average of 11.2. This is 12.2% of all the suicides in India!!! And of course, men commit more suicide than women. Heard of the metro suicides? All were men.
6) Food-obsessed. Bhaat, Maach
Be specially careful when they travel : you will hear them complain constantly how they are missing the Maach-Bhaat. The Bengali group in my recent trip (mentioned above) spoke only a about what food is being served by the tour kitchen, and kept reminding the manager of what they want in the next meal.
The main attraction to then in any party is not the occasion, ambiance, company, music, fun, catching-up with friends; but only one, FOOD! Ask them "How was the get-together?" and comes the answer "Menu was such-and-such, food was such-and such". The 2-month festive season is looked forward to particularly because of good food, esp. chicken and sweets. Also, they look down on vegetarians big-time.
Be specially careful when they travel : you will hear them complain constantly how they are missing the Maach-Bhaat. The Bengali group in my recent trip (mentioned above) spoke only a about what food is being served by the tour kitchen, and kept reminding the manager of what they want in the next meal.
The main attraction to then in any party is not the occasion, ambiance, company, music, fun, catching-up with friends; but only one, FOOD! Ask them "How was the get-together?" and comes the answer "Menu was such-and-such, food was such-and such". The 2-month festive season is looked forward to particularly because of good food, esp. chicken and sweets. Also, they look down on vegetarians big-time.
7) Non-competitive. Bengal stands poor in the National Games medals tally. Same is the story in IIT-JEE. This is the image Bengalis have created for themselves at a national level. Fallout : My first cousin has a PhD from Kolkata University; which was not much respected when she was seeking faculty jobs in Delhi.
8) "Army? Na baba na". There is no Bengal Regiment in the Indian Army : check this list. "Aami Khoka-ke army-te kichhu-tei jete debo naa", says the son-obsessed Bengali mother. In the Kargil conflict, India lost 500 brave soldiers and officers, and the only Bengali was Captain Kanad Bhattacharya". Remember, you have no right court a woman unless you have done some thing admirable. It is not for nothing that they say "Only the brave deserve the fair".
Army to bahut door ki baat hain. They are too scared to even start a conversation. They need crutches for that. E.g. an online acquaintance of mine (from Europe) often starts a conversation talking about my new blog entry or status update. Unless I take 'Step 0' , he cannot take the first step! Gawd! Why can't you just start with a 'Hi' or 'Wassup'? Where is the confidence?
How many successful entrepreneurs and
Army to bahut door ki baat hain. They are too scared to even start a conversation. They need crutches for that. E.g. an online acquaintance of mine (from Europe) often starts a conversation talking about my new blog entry or status update. Unless I take 'Step 0' , he cannot take the first step! Gawd! Why can't you just start with a 'Hi' or 'Wassup'? Where is the confidence?
How many successful entrepreneurs and
9) Domestically challenged. "Ma, where is my vest?","Ma ektu jal debe?"(Mom, give me some water to drink). "Ma aamaar bag-ta guchhiye debe?"(Mom please pack my bag). (After marriage) "Sunccho, aamar moja-ta kothaye?"(Listening, where are my socks), "My wife is sick, so I had bread toast for dinner (after scorching it)". Face-palm! So what's the difference between you an a 10-year-old? In the first 30 years of your life, your mother looks after you. In the next 30 years, you wife looks after you. And the remaining years your daughter-in-law looks after you. Finished. Life's over! You never grow up.
A prospective groom's father once told my mother, "My son lives alone in USA, has unhealthy habits of skipping breakfast and having fast food. I want him to get married in order to stabilize his domestic life" (read 'he needs a care-giver'). My mother laughed off the proposal, and told me only much later about it.
A prospective groom's father once told my mother, "My son lives alone in USA, has unhealthy habits of skipping breakfast and having fast food. I want him to get married in order to stabilize his domestic life" (read 'he needs a care-giver'). My mother laughed off the proposal, and told me only much later about it.
10) Tea-party adda. (Slow lifestyle) The in-state Bengali is never in a hurry. Life is a time-pass. Chit-chating and small-talking is second nature. There is no agenda for the day. Maintaining an appointment diary is something baara-baari (too much)! Every intention gets delayed and postponed. Chit-chatting is always being looked forward to. They are always laid-back. They can spend an hour just to have a cup of tea in his friends' company. 10-11 am is tea time, 3:30-4:30 pm is tea-time again. Lunch "hour" is 12 noon-3 pm (One 'mental' hour equals three clock hours). When is the work getting done? Bengal has 7.55% of the population of India, one big metro city, greater literacy than many other states, yet is only 6.07% contributor of GDP. Anyone from the North or West or South, when they land up here, notice the markedly slow lifestyle in the very first minute. Chit-chatting and go on and on and on. Delaying and postponing work is as usual as sunrise and sunset. Bengal lies in the eastern part of India, so the sun rises earlier right? So the office time should be early too, say 8:30 am? No Dear! It is 10 am! And the work day ends early because the sun sets earlier!
11) Regionalism : "Are you a Hindustani or a Madrasi?". Sounds like as if they are not Hindustani themselves! They make fun of the food of a Tamil, the eyes and nose of a North-easterner, the complexion of a Telugu, the lifestyle of an Odiya, the money-mindedness of a UP-ite, the 'crudeness' of a Bihari, etc.etc. Heard of the Bengali snob? This is it : unexplained superiority complex gulps them. The 'us-vs-them' works intra-Bengal also : Descendants of Bengal and Bangladesh, living together in West Bengal, do not like each other much. Finally, Kashmir, Gujarat, Rajasthan, and Maharashtra are "too far away" from Bengalis to have any opinion about the people there! Broadly, they consider India to be inhabited by Bengalis and non-Bengalis.
Making fun of other communities is a common topic in Bengali parties. A septuagenarian Bengali in USA said to me at a community get-together, "Arrey you know, Gujaratis celebrate New Year on Diwali...Ha Ha Ha". I frowned and said, "What's so funny?", and removed myself from the conversation.
Aside : Bollywood only made fun of Bengalis until 2002, when "Devdas" struck a chord and the subsequent movies had Bengali characters without their thick accent : Life in a Metro (Shilpa Shetty and Konkona Sensharma), Yuva (Ajay Devgan et al), Corporate (Bipasha Basu), Dhoom2 (Bipasha Basu), Cheeni Kum (Amitabh Bachchan), Wake up Sid (Konkona Sensharma), Karthik Calling Karthik (Deepika Padukone), Dil to bachcha hain ji (Shraddha Das), Vicky Donor (Yami Gautam). Notice, mostly it is the female character which is Bengali. Similarly, Kolkata started getting noticed in Yuva, Parineeta, and Kahaani. A Bengali male character has yet been portrayed well, except maybe Jatin Das in The Legend of Bhagat Singh (played by Amitabh Bhattacharjee). Prof. Jatin Das taught Bhagat Singh how to make bombs, which the latter exploded in the Lahore assembly in April 1929. He himself sacrificed his life after a 63-day hunger strike against the British.
Making fun of other communities is a common topic in Bengali parties. A septuagenarian Bengali in USA said to me at a community get-together, "Arrey you know, Gujaratis celebrate New Year on Diwali...Ha Ha Ha". I frowned and said, "What's so funny?", and removed myself from the conversation.
Aside : Bollywood only made fun of Bengalis until 2002, when "Devdas" struck a chord and the subsequent movies had Bengali characters without their thick accent : Life in a Metro (Shilpa Shetty and Konkona Sensharma), Yuva (Ajay Devgan et al), Corporate (Bipasha Basu), Dhoom2 (Bipasha Basu), Cheeni Kum (Amitabh Bachchan), Wake up Sid (Konkona Sensharma), Karthik Calling Karthik (Deepika Padukone), Dil to bachcha hain ji (Shraddha Das), Vicky Donor (Yami Gautam). Notice, mostly it is the female character which is Bengali. Similarly, Kolkata started getting noticed in Yuva, Parineeta, and Kahaani. A Bengali male character has yet been portrayed well, except maybe Jatin Das in The Legend of Bhagat Singh (played by Amitabh Bhattacharjee). Prof. Jatin Das taught Bhagat Singh how to make bombs, which the latter exploded in the Lahore assembly in April 1929. He himself sacrificed his life after a 63-day hunger strike against the British.
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It's your call.
It's your call.
44 comments:
hmmm, All the characteristics you have written are very true and more visible in Kolkata Bengalis.
I have also these characteristics but in a diluted form as I was born and brought up in Delhi.
Culture, Economic insecurity, History of Slavery and social helps these characteristics to grow.
Nice article
Any sane person can tell from what you wrote that you have a bone to pick with Bengali's in general.If you study other ethnic groups i am pretty sure that you will find the same characteristics/habits stated by you being practised by the not-so current generation.Also please note that bengali men are not only one's that are food-obssessed,there are "bengali" women who love their food.
Nice post.. but don't you think you have made too much of generalization? You have brought up a gamut of negativeness, some , derived from certain perceptions. It would be better, if you give an insight into the positive sides too :) And not all men are like this. Honestly, being a Bengali girl myself, I would actually prefer to marry a Bengali man :)
A classic case of sour grapes...
I would love to know the kind of ''bengali men'' you have fraternized with because you seriously need to widen the gamut. your post came across as a whiny rant against a very wide section of people. And all you did was give stupid stereotypes that can be used to describe a marathi man or a tamil woman.
These posts seriously undermine the ongoing war against patriarchy that many MEN and women have undertaken.
From gender stereotyping to generalizing, this post is EXACTLY where a certain section of ''feminists'' have gone wrong.
Feminists are NOT men-haters. We stand for GENDER EQUALITY...
This article, on the other hand is an extremely immature and an atrocious piece of writing!All it did was make me feel sorry for you! All that bitterness can't be healthy. :)
I support Aparajita Deb.. But I wouldn't be calling you a feminist .. while talking about Bengali men, you have insulted Bengali mothers too and their ways of upbringing. I wouldn't say that whatever you wrote is entirely wrong. All you have done is taken elements from Bengali culture and exaggerated them.I can't figure out your ethnic group from your name but try asking a North Indian to live entirely on South Indian food or vice versa. It is a culture we cherish. With all due respect, I just have one question : " Why are you so concerned with our lives ? " If you really want to do some charity for ' women ' , start trying to educate women 1st instead of thinking about their marriage. This very act of thinking about marriage of a woman actually puts you in the orthodox class who feel that marriage is the one and only thing for a woman. And , fyi, we don't need your sympathy. I think we are pretty happy and satisfied with our men, brothers and friends and you need not to take the onus of extending your nose and poking it into our rich Bengali culture with an abysmal depth for you are not gonna understand it or feel it with such an attitude :)
Most of you comments are based on your opinion rather than facts. But in one point I seriously found lack of understanding.
Point 11, ""Are you a Hindustani or a Madrasi?". Sounds like as if they are not Hindustani themselves!"
Yes they are Hindusthani themselves at all. Try to find what Hindusthan means etymologically. It has nothing to do with Bengal.
So actually in true sense (and all other senses) they are not Hindusthani.
This is a completely rubbish article. And yes average Bengali men are much more liberal than most average Indian males from other linguistic groups! They are intellectual and friendly, nice people to hang out with, they are the perfect example where your boyfriend can also be their best friend. They are awesome fathers and brothers as well. They may not be romantic in the way of planning dates but they can win your heart with a Tagore song and self-written poems. Also not only men, bengali women also love food, non violence and "lyad" and so we love them for that. And I have not met any Bengali guy of our age who believes in horoscopes. Also most Indians are mama's boy.. as most girls are daddy's girls, bengalis are not an exception. Honestly it seems to me you are biased and you lack experience about Bengali men or this is an example of "grapes are sour".
I get it you are frustrated in your life. please don't release your anger of your failures onto an entire community.
by the way i am an IITian and i can assure you that we bengalies may not crack the exam in huge nos. But we are acing the engineering studies.This is because we concentrate on concepts rather than brainless practice. We do well in what matters. And only if i was allowed more space for a comment i could show you what its like to be a true bengali. I guess you have had it rough but trust me don't judge the entire community with a handful few.
1) Mama's boys - she "IS" my mother after all...
2) "Nyaka" - are you serious?? ever heard of "Nayak"...
3) Indecisive. Meek, docile, passive. - i believe you have heard of parambrata chatterjee; see his film "proloy"; the first half is based on real incidents.
4) Non-romantic. - personally, i do not see the point of having a girl-friend; even after months of encouragement from my mother (in-spite of 1)!!!
5) Escapist. - let me make you some pan-cakes, someday OR walk into my room any day of the year.
They are very Aaram-priyo : leander paes.
Laziness : - no comment.
6) Food-obsessed. - i like enjoying the pleasures of life.
7) Non-competitive. - its just that we have good local colleges, we try our luck there.
8) "Army? Na baba na". - i wanted to enlist for the defense forces; medical issue. so, now trying for defense services; hope to get through. btw, i live in bangalore.
9) Domestically challenged. - refer 5.
10) Tea-party adda. (Slow lifestyle) - i like taking my time, instead of messing the entire thing up (multiple times).
11) Regionalism : - that is the norm through-out the country, see "2 states".
am a bengali, and proud to be one; also, am a human first.
Your opinions regarding Bengali men aren't just off the mark,they're irrelevant and ignorant. What you mistake as being a "mama's boy" is actually strong family ties so as to keep us rooted and morally in check. I'm not exactly sure what you're aiming for but I think you'd rather prefer a unadjusted psychopath over an amiable,social man with his head screwed on the right way. You call us "nyaka" yet I've seen a healthy number of men from other states worrying about the way they look and are afraid to get their hands dirty. If that's not a problem then neither is nyakami. Everyone has their share of vanity,respect that. Indecisive,meek and docile? We didn't fight the British,who btw occupied India as traders and didn't invade her? Read up on your history before you shoot your gun(by which I mean your mouth if you didn't understand me). And please get this:FEW MEN ARE UNROMANTIC AND NERVOUS WHEN IT COMES TO RELATIONSHIPS. Men usually make the first move and are likely to be rejected. So you must understand why we can be a little uptight. Although judging by the way you reject men,it's genuinely surprising that anyone would want to date you in the first place. And you really don't know what escapism means do you? Yes we may be lazy and love to relax but when we put our minds to it, no objective or job is impossible. And what's wrong with liking food? You say that we hate heavy duty work or travelling abroad. I'll have you know that most metropolitan cities in the country have a fairly healthy Bengali demographic(Do you travel with your eyes closed?) and many eminent scholars,academicians,scientists and professionals who work abroad are bengalis. Oh and don't give that army crap. Your citations about the Kargil War are so far fetched,I wouldn't know where to start. And regionalism exists everywhere in the country. Look around you. Infact the people of West Bengal are one of the most open minded people you'll find.
Having said all this, I would kindly ask you to refrain from blatantly insulting a large group of people without any justification and using false stereotypes. And if you do,please accept all the hate replies you'll get as a result. Till then, please stay away from historical facts till you get them right and statistics and the internet in general. Good day to you.
With regards
A Bengali who isn't anything like the people you mention in the blog
P.S: Sissy-ly?? Seriously? Please disconnect your internet connection and get a thesaurus.
o man..Such an illiterate article..Why did eblogger even allow you to post this crap... U seriously need a doctor man....
U must be a really unattractive woman or a retard or maybe a psychopath..and in either of the above situations faced multiple rejections from Bengali food loving,family centric, intellectual bhadralok .
Hence this spew of venom. Its more on the lines of how am American would describe a Taliban.
By and large you are right mam. There has been a great deterioration.As a rule, we are too critical and too lazy.We need no less than a Swamy Vivekanand again.
The other day my boyfriend sent me a bouquet of flowers to my office which totally swept me off my feet. He surprised me on my birthday with yet another cake just when i thought we were done with the celebrations. He starts celebrating my birthday from a week earlier. On Valentine's day early morning he showed up right outside my door with a bouquet of red roses. He sings to me every night, no matter how out of tune he is. And yes, to your surprise HE IS A BENGALI and that too from north kolkata. Ma'am, no offense here, but maybe you were so engrossed in criticizing bengali guys that you forgot that their bengali girlfriends won't just keep mum when you speak so much against them.
It is wrong to generalise. For your information, my husband never tells me to wear sakha polla or sindor though his entire family wants that. He even told my mom in law that as I don't want to change my surname after marriage, nobody has a right to force me. N he gives surprises, gifts n plans holidays. It is disgraceful that you generalise n critisize bengali men.
God, I feel bad for your students!
This post is Proper Demonstration of the fact that Some girls(not all) are never satisfied.
this is absolute rubbish, you dont even have the mere idea what bengalis do or what they are capable of, I have friends from bengal and some of them are far more courageous as compared to the "non-bengalis", and refering to kolkata if you are missing out the action, just say something ill about the C.M. and you will get to see even 60 years old man thrive into action.
See today's Yahoo News - "A woman cannot deny a man to have sex even on a Camel back".... Imagine & React. Imagine a so-called SHY Bengali man to have done this"
In North as well as South India, M-i-l decides on which day/date a married woman may be allowed to perform conjugal relations with her HUSBAND, and on other days, her HUBBY shares his Mama’s bed. Imagine, and comment please. Have you encountered any such filth & profanity in West Bengal ? Ever ?
HONOR KILLING in North India is looked upon as Poison by Bengalis, who, may be grunts a little bit if the Match-making of his/her son is not upto his/her liking, but once a baby comes to intervene such grumblings, the two Grandmom & Grandpa immediately forgives their d-i-l & smilingly drops in at their place to hold up the newborn in all affection & togetherness, and the d-i-l becomes their pet daughter in a magic. Have you ever seen this in North India? Please react.
My hubby loves short haircut. That made two of us, incidentally. To please my hubby’s likings, I went to the Parlour after may be 6/7 months of our marriage & gave myself a neat & manageable Boyish haircut, thereafter – a pixie in the next 3 months, and even a buzzcut in summer. My M-i-l, my mom, my sis-in-laws stifled their awe when I came back from the Parlour that Sunday evening, and oozed out with their reactions –“Oh ma, Mala, tumi chul kete felle ? Dekhi dekhi, esho edike,……….” Thereafter..”Tobe akta kotha….tomai kintu besh dekhachche….Dekho…Amar chhele abar raag korbe na to?” I said..”Na ma, oke bole koyei chul katte gechhi, aar or o khoob pochhondo Boycut” …My sis-in-law exclaimed humorously…”Bas, to be aar ki, ..nah tomader dujoner motei Jodi tumi Boycut kore thako…tobe to karur kichhu bolbar nei.” Had it been a North Indian family, I may have had to suffer ignominy for this. North Indian people (Men & women both) know only MONEY (Apna sapna mani mani..)& brag their non-existent Family pride. A Bengali family is much more loving, affectionate & receptive. Think…Comment.
My hubby too, is soft spoken, and says “I love you Mala” only while breathing in a whisper to my ears. I know he considers these words “I love you” so much costly, so much valuable & so much precious, that he doesn’t wish this “Saying’ to become something like “I wanna piss” or “I wanna something to bite”. Do you wish to hear “I love you’s” every so often ? You may be in a Love-mania indeed. Those would hardly be real. Everytime one speaks to you over the telephone – while replacing the receiver – “ love you” and a Kiss… Oh I would kill myself to hear such dirty love-cracks. Those are fake & funny, I tell you.
We have very healthy sex relationship, 4-5 a week, after 9 years of marriage. But after we make love, my hubby just doesn’t starts snoting, he lay by me in bed, and we two start sharing our fantasies & dreams, …where to go… what to wear, what new home décor… and such else. After may be an hour, he turns sleepy. I caress his head out of my own, he says ...no…you too need to catch some sleep, but I insist. Think & react.
Useless... RIP N Datta
I live in Kolkata and have seen very few sankha pala pora women.may be you have had some bitter experience but that doesn't mean you will be vicious. As a matter of fact female foeticide is rarely practised among Bengali unlike your so high held rajasthanis,marwaris and punjabis.I have seen people literally cry when a girl is born in gurgaon.wives are much respected here by their husbands.projecting only the negative side is a very cheap way of getting attention.
I live in Kolkata and have seen very few sankha pala pora women.may be you have had some bitter experience but that doesn't mean you will be vicious. As a matter of fact female foeticide is rarely practised among Bengali unlike your so high held rajasthanis,marwaris and punjabis.I have seen people literally cry when a girl is born in gurgaon.wives are much respected here by their husbands.projecting only the negative side is a very cheap way of getting attention.
To Whoever wrote this article.. I could say a lot more but do not want to waste my time or energy. I have only few words: next time before making a mockery of yourself in public, think for a minute. Using a brain sometimes help.
To Whoever wrote this article.. I could say a lot more but do not want to waste my time or energy. I have only few words: next time before making a mockery of yourself in public, think for a minute. Using a brain sometimes help.
Females will thrive and prosper wherever and whomever respects them, be it bengalis or any other individual...
Kharagpur-ey boshey aatlami na korey shommukh shomorey giye lor na. Dekhbo koto khomota aachhey.
Why such bitterness and concern about our community?? You also managed to drag in Bengali mothers and their ways of upbringing as well!! I seriously hope you are not a bengali otherwise what kind of sick mentality may drive one to spit on their own lineage! - Anindya
This is a CASE of SOUR GRAPES. Its okay girl/woman. I understand. Koi bohat zor se dhokha diya hain tumhe. Take Care.
Seems like you have been hurt 🤣🤣
Please share more info about Bengali Brahmins of America...
Im pretty sure there was a Bengali man whom this woman loved and then he didn't feel like marrying her and that's why she is outraged..
In My next comment I would write some comments regarding the Bengali Hindu Valor against the outsiders
To be honest bengali girls don't deserve anything. Even we bengali boys aren't interested in you.
Nah...there is something wrong with Bengali mothers upbringing... freedom is a basic right. If the child is not taught to be self-dependent then he will face problems later in his life.
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