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Is this picture below of your husband, in every aspect of his life? Sadly, all men seem to be reduced to the following set of givens :
- Why did you allow patriarchy?
- Why did you not learn to earn your own money? (So you idolize a Suraj Barjaatiya heroine?)
- Why did you expect a marriage to be your ultimate aim in life?
- Why did you not put your foot down and do exactly what you wanted?
- Why did you allow others (family and relatives) to convince you, and talk you out of your own convictions?
- Why did you not refuse to share the dirty bathroom with him?
- Why did you take charge of that "overgrown child"? Who hired you as his caretaker for free?
- Why did you cook for him? Why did you serve him?
- Why did you stop him, when he was picking up his plate, by saying "arre rehne do main utha loongi"?
- Why did you allow him to kiss you with a bad breath?
- Why did you not show disgust when he burped/farted/nose-picked/scratched?
- Why did not not wait the doctor to remind him of his poor health?
- Why did you not forget his birthday (and go for a girl's night out instead?)
- Why did you rush to get the tissue and wipe his semen after sex?
- Why did you not walk away at the slightest disrespect? Why did you put up with his snide remarks and smirking?
- Why did you let him emotionally blackmail you?
- Why did you not walk out of him? Why did you not purge that asshole out of your life?
- Why did you wait for him to take you out on a date/trip? Why did not have the guts to go out alone?
- Why were you sweet to him when he is wooden (indifferent to you)?
- Why did you think it is your job to grow him up?
- Why did you pick up his socks/underwear/plate/cup/shoes?
- Why did you cry? Why can you not be emotionally self-reliant? Why did you give someone else the power to make you cry?
- Why did you put up with his laziness and sloppy behavior?
- Why did you tolerate his mood swings?
- Why did you clean his bathroom?
- Why did you make his bed in the morning? Why did you fold his blanket after your own?
- When a woman is financially independent and still her parents-in-law are harassing her for dowry, it is the woman who is to blame for not putting her foot down and refusing the marriage at the very outset. Why has this woman not learnt to take her own decisions? Why is she so scared of "society"? Why isn't education bringing courage and righteousness into the character?
- By pampering men as sons and husbands, we have stolen away from then (denied them) the opportunity to be adults. Why do men look down upon domestic jobs, which women invariably do, almost by reflex? When a boy cleans his room, why is he teased as "living in a girly room"?
- Let them learn the hard way! Let him lose his keys, forget his paraphernalia, screw his finances, bury himself in his cupboard mess. Let his under-garments be unwashed for weeks. If he screams, "where are my socks?", say quizzically "How do I know?" without making eye-contact.
- LEAVE THEM ALONE. Ignore him from time to time. Be available all the time and be ready to be taken for granted!
- Stop waiting upon them (for God's sake!). You need not stand next to him looking at his face all the time. Uska mooh taaknaa band karo!
- Be busy in your own world. You have a life of your own, remember? Stop behaving like a (loser) heroine from '80s/'90s movies.
- When you already know that your husband is going to forget your birthday, its better to plan ahead and spend your birthday with close friends (girls' night out). No expectations, and hence, no tears. Simple! Load nahin lene ka. Take responsibility for your emotions and stop being dependent on others for your mental well-being.
- Bhagwaan ke liye STOP MOTHERING HIM. You have married him, not adopted him.
- If he forget to do his laundry, let him wear the dirty clothes to work.
- Refuse to sleep with him if he does not bath, has foul breath, wears dirty underwear.
- Be sarcastic and laugh off his childish issues. Poke fun of his domestic handicaps.
- Stop being sweet, and asking "Are you OK?" every 5 min. It is his own responsibility to keep himself OK.
- Why do we women compromise and pamper the ego of the "akdoo" man? Why are we dying to have men give us their attention? Leave them alone yaar. We should hold our own and stop worrying about "relationships" too much.
- Indian men should learn to make FRIENDS with Indian women, and vice-versa. Inability to make friends with the opposite sex is a severe social limitation, leading to a very sick society.
- Patriarchy is supported, practised, sustained, even enhanced; by none other than women : those women who are too hypnotized to come out of their comfort zones. Women who sleep-walk through their lives hypnotized by patriarchy, want other (younger) women also to surrender to it. (Isse baccho Behnaa!) If a woman changes her surname (without thinking), she encourages others also to do the same. The woman who was forced to deck herself with sindoor-mangalsutra-bangles, she later cannot stand her friend/sister/daughter not doing the same : she would advocate it vehemently. The mother-in-law is mean/critical of the daughter-in-law, since she herself faced it as a daughter-in-law (Saas bhi kabhi bahu thi!). Women who have no life of their own, in the name of sati-savitri-pana, are simply jealous of women who have one (a rocking one).
Get Real
x
Most men are going to continue to silently enjoy women being self-imprisoned by patriarchy.
All the above are actually mistakes of we women ONLY! We have created a situation where all the above merely are by-products.
Ask yourself : WHY?
Quoting Ajay Devgan in the movie Lajja (2001) : "Tum aurat jaat khud apni dushman ho. Maro!"
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If men do not respect women, it is we women to blame. Period.
Strength respects strength. Men will respect you if you respect yourself. Actually, men are not so respect-worthy, as you are conditioned to believe them to be!
C'mon Womankind.....come off it and release yourself from this vicious cycle. In a matriarchal society (think NE), men try to douse their inferiority complex by drinking and other drugs. In a patriarchal society, women compensate for their "lower" status by working hard (70% of the work according to ILO). So who is a better human being? In a patriarchal society, women are supposed to "behave themselves". If they don't, they are 'punished' with rape. Why don't Indians teach their sons to also behave themselves?
Confident women are labeled as "tomboys", since men feel insecure before them. When I tell men I weight-train with 5 kg, they give their predictable embarrassed laugh. Insecurity, huh?
Men say, "Women are our mothers, sisters, daughters". They should learn to say, "Women are our colleagues and compatriots"? The term "Mother India" is a gimmick, an eye-wash, a damage-control in this shamelessly patriarchal country. How many Indian men are sensitive to women's problems?
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I wish every person becomes independent and self-reliant by the age of 22-23 : career, money, cooking, housekeeping, socialization, opinions, life decisions. But, if the world makes me wear the pants and be be in the drivers' seat all the time, I will gladly take others for a ride!
1 comment:
Why do you like stereotyping so much? Please open up your eyes. Make your view broader. There are a varieties of men around. Nobody is perfect & with the same logic, nobody contains all those bad qualities at a time. Same thing applies for women as well. If anybody searches for a Mr/Mrs Perfect, he/she will just have to die searching. Please don't be so saddist, there are many good things in this world just like the bad ones. You will never know the glory of white until you see the black.
Look, in this world, we never get anything ideal. So be practical - we all have to compromise to lead a happy life.
P.S. - I believe in compromises from both people equally in a relation. Now don't stereotype this as well.
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