How to be a 21st century Man Series (Part-2) : Understand what your sister is NOT.

Dear Man, please understand what you sister is NOT.

1. Your sister is NOT your inferior, not your "poorer version".
2. Your sister is NOT your daughter. Stop feeling paternalistic and over-protective about her. 
3. Your sister is NOT your waitress. She is not supposed to pick up your used plates/glasses/spoons/etc.
4. Your sister is NOT your governess. 
5. Your sister is NOT supposed to forgo her share of your parents' property.
6. Your sister is NOT a separatist. She can be a loyalist to her parents exactly as you are to them. 
7. Your sister is NOT a "Paraayaa Dhan" : stop crying in her marriage. She is NOT "going away" anywhere. She is NOT a "transferable property". 
8. Your sister is NOT supposed to eat after you, after serving you!
9. Your sister is NOT supposed to pick up after you. She is not supposed to arrange your room at regular intervals.
10. Your sister is NOT your servant, that you can order her to fetch you water after coming from the gym. She may be herself in the gym at that time. 
11. Your sister is NOT supposed to tie Rakhi and ask for your 'protection'. 
12. Your sister is NOT less of your parent's child as compared to you.
13. Your sister is NOT supposed to give up her education so that you can pursue yours.
14. Your sister is NOT supposed to give up her hobby so that you can pursue yours.
15. Your sister is NOT supposed to de-link with your parents after her marriage : she can still have a joint bank account / financial investments with either/both parent(s). 
16. Your sister is NOT supposed to forgo her responsibilities towards her parents : she can also look after them alternately with you in their old age. 
17. Your sister is NOT supposed to have curfew when you don't have. She can also have a "Girls' night-out". 
18. Your sister is NOT supposed to not invite her male friends to the house, when you can invite your female friends.
19. Your sister is NOT your liability. Don't assume the responsibility of "marrying her off". 
20. Your sister is NOT supposed to hide her better grades from you. 
21. Your sister is NOT supposed to behave "lady-like" to please anyone : don't order her.
22. Your sister is NOT supposed to be "smiling, nice, sweet, pleasant, soft-spoken, kind, considerate, adjusting, accommodating" all the time.
23. Your sister is NOT supposed to be ashamed of her body or menstruation. She is NOT supposed to be shy about it or avoid any such discussion with you. 
24. Your sister is NOT supposed to be behave like "Miss India". She is not supposed to be docile, meek, coy, etc. like Suraj Barjatya's sugarcane heroines. 
25. Your sister is NOT less important than you for the family.
26. Your sister is NOT less responsible than you for the family.
27. Your sister is NOT supposed to always seat in the backseat of the family car and you in the front. She can also ride your dad's scooter and drop you somewhere you want to reach. 
28. Your sister is NOT supposed to be not interested in sports : all bats, balls, rackets, boxing gloves, shuttles, swimming goggles, dumbells in the house are not for your exclusive use. 
29. Your sister is NOT supposed to dress traditionally, to "uphold family culture", when you are loitering in your Bermudas and ganji. 
30. Your sister is NOT supposed to not drink, when you can get sozzled. 
31. Your sister is NOT supposed to be "naturally interested" in shopping, make-up, pink color. She need not always pick up "Femina", "Women's Era". "Good Housekeeping", etc. from the magazine stall. She is free to pick up "India Today" also. 

How to be a 21st century Man Series (Part-1) : Understand what your wife is NOT.

Dear Man, please note :

1. Your wife is NOT your mother. Do not expect her to replace your mom. She need not be as pampering, as understanding, as polite, as accommodating, as patient, as your mom was when you were growing up. Don't throw tantrums and sit before her as if waiting for her to come and make up with you. Like a mother, she won't stand your juvenile behavior. She will not pick up after you. She will not fold the blanket after you leave the bedroom in the morning with the bed unmade. She will not wash away the yellow spots on the toilet after you pee merrily and leave. Your wife is NOT your caretaker / nurse / mind-reader. Don't play an attention-seeker with your cold/headache/minor illnesses. Nor expect her to always know your mind without you having to elaborate. Your wife is NOT your anchor/support system if you are not the same to her.
2. Your wife is NOT your employee / secretary / slave / servant / assistant / subordinate / attendant / bearer : you cannot order her. You can only request her. You need to use the word 'please' liberally. Watch the tone of your voice when you ask her something : are you ordering her and bossing her around? You cannot demand answers from her for everything : she does not stand answerable to you for most choices of her life. Don't expect her to wait upon you when you return home from her : do not order her to get you water / tea / coffee as you take of your shoes. Her sleep timing may not match with yours : don't expect her to be up before you. Offer to change the curtains, do the laundry, change the bedspread, sun the mattresses, mow the lawn, polish the metal decor in the drawing room, scrub with washroom tiles. Get the hang of the process called 'running a house' and stop being a paying guest. 
3. Your wife is NOT your waitress. Do not arrive into the dining room and sit at the dining table, waiting to be served. Lay the crockery/cutlery, pour the water in the glasses, toss the salad, check the salt/pepper cellars, get the light correct, ask your wife is anything is required to be taken out from the refrigerator/heated in the microwave, carry some of the food out from the kitchen. Sit down together. Do not start eating alone! Wait for everybody to settle down and the food to be on every plate, before you take you first morsel in. Eat slowly with her : don't gobble down and burp and leave her eating alone. Pick up not only your plate/spoon/glass, but also participate in clearing off the dining table, stacking the leftovers away, arranging back the dining table chairs and accessories. 
4. Your wife is NOT your cook. Please bother to find out where the kitchen is! Go grocery and green-grocery shopping for her. Learn to recognize the vegetables and distinguish a fresh one from a stale one. Alternate doing the dishes. Clean up / maintain / arrange the kitchen with her every weekend. Offer to clean the fridge / toaster / microwave / grinder / cupboard. Understand the nutritional value of each edible : this goes a long way in enhancing the male longevity, which is at least 5 years less than the average female longevity. Cooking is not difficult : it involves simply things like soaking, cutting, peeling, boiling, steaming, frying, roasting, microwaving. Food is a basic need : be self-reliant in the kitchen even when your wife is around. That room is not her exclusive department. 
5. Your wife is NOT your housekeeper / cleaner / washerwoman / home decorator : do your own laundry. Don't expect your wife to pick up your socks from the floor and take them to the laundry, please! If you dirty any place (table / floor / carpet / lawn), clean up and don't expect her to do the damage-control. Picking up the broom/mop will not reduce your sperm count. Throw the trash out regularly.  
6. Your wife is NOT your 'property' / possession / purchased 'product' / trophy / decorative piece / style statement / pet. She has a life of her own. She need not take your 'permission' to go for a party / spa. Do not comment on her choice of clothes/accessories : she has a brain to choose what she wants to wear, and experience to decide what is most comfortable for her. Do not ask her to dress up and show her off  before others. Giving her gifts and diamonds may not make her happy (stop stereotyping) : she needs only respect from you. 
7. Your wife is NOT your sidekick / appendage / shadow. Don't assume her life will be exactly the same as yours. If you plan to switch jobs, do not expect her to pack her bags and follow you by default. You alone cannot decide what you both will do. Your wife is NOT your 'Mrs'. She is 'Ms' since the day she was born. Your wife is NOT your student. Don't lecture her about what she ought to do and what not to to : she is intelligent enough to judge that for herself. Your wife is NOT your lineage-holder / gene-propagator. She is NOT your children's mother. She is her own children's mother. 
8. Your wife is NOT your public relations officer / manager. She need not gel with your side of the family if she does not want to. Nor does she need to entertain your friends with samosa/pakora, when you are not doing the same for her friends' get-together. Do not expect her to mix with the wives of your friends : hello! they are complete strangers to each other with nothing is common! She need not like your mother/father and it is Okay! She has not married anybody else additionally other than you. She need not be sociable just because she is a woman. Do not invite your friends without informing her, expecting her to toss up a gourmet meal to entertain them! Don't expect her to be a mediator if you have a tiff with your relatives. Your wife is NOT your blame-sharer. She will not guard you for your mistakes. She will not say 'Sorry' on your behalf. 
9. Your wife is NOT your memory card / reminding officer / alarm clock. Don't ask her to remind you of your appointments : she has her own appointments to remember. Do not depend on her to remind you of the birthday's anniversaries from your side of the family : she has own relatives! She will not remind you to cut your nails, trim your hair, shave, etc. Neither will she give up her sleep to wake you up for an early morning appointment : you need to keep your own alarm clock and also be careful not to disturb her that early. 
10. Your wife is NOT your treasurer / accountant / storekeeper. Don't dump the salary his her hands on the first day of the month to run the house with it. Take up the responsibility of running the household (this is not the Caveman age when males are required only for security!). Check the stores and plan the grocery trip. Discuss and pencil down the dates for paying the bills. Check the supply of the kitchen and toilet consumables and stock up without having her to remind you to. 
11. Your wife is NOT your doormat / punching bag / last resort. If you are in a crabby mood, ask her for time alone and unwind. Don't return to home and start throwing around things in anger or shouting at her to vent your frustration : if you had a bad day at work, how is she at fault? She is not the cushion which will absorb the shocks form the world which you are not an adult enough to handle.
12. Your wife is NOT your entertainer / free prostitute : Never jump on her for sex. Focus on the heart-to-heart connection. Understand her mind, feel for her, bond emotionally with her. And this is not for those intimate moments only. Practice this all the time.
13. Your wife is NOT your parents' new daughter. She is her own parent's daughter. She is not obligated to your parents in any which way. Ask you parents to respect her privacy and liberty, and not have any 'bahu-type' expectations. Do not come between her and her parents : that bond was formed years/decades before you met her. 
14. Your wife is NOT your dream-fulfiller. She has her own dreams. She need not sacrifice her own goals to accelerate yours. 
15. Your wife is not your liability. You do not need to provide for her. You needs not look after her expenses. Her income is not her pocket money. Do not show off your wealth before her : it is an insult to her financial capability and self-esteem. Do not 'advise' her about how she uses her wealth. Pool together your incomes to run the house. 

Break free : Regain your life!

You are a citizen of the largest democracy. You live in a free country. You deserve your independence. So LIVE YOUR LIFE! Be free. You are not answerable to most people. There is a personal life, true. But there also is, an individual life, of your own. Live like a free bird. Take bold steps. Take your own decisions and be ready for the results.

                                       

First things first : Become financially independent. Have your own place to stay. Stop oscillating between your Maayka (birth home) and Sasural (Husband's father's house), not knowing exactly which is YOUR place. Belong to yourself. It is a MUST. Create your own small kingdom, where your wish rules. Every living creature needs to satisfy this aspect of their existence.

Refuse to live like a servant. Defend your boundaries. Say 'NO!' and live your own life, instead of living someone else's life. People want to control others. Dominance is instinctive. So, refuse to be controlled. Ask them to 'mind their own business'. No one can intrude in your life. Live life according to your own terms.

You are NOT responsible for anyone else's happiness. Do not love others if they do not love themselves. Never be apologetic about having high standards : those you love you will raise their own standards to catch up with you. NEVER downplay yourself.

                          

Assert yourself. Do not allow any pre-conceived notion to derail your life. Dare to think out-of-the-box, and encourage others to join you. Steel yourself against being manipulated by "guilt". Do NOT divert from your resolve. Do NOT cave in. Do NOT give the impression that you 'can be handled'. Nobody is allowed to put words into your mouth. NEVER be defensive. 

Walk out at the slightest disrespect. People should speak to you with dignity, or get lost from your life. NO CAN DARE BE RUDE TO YOU. 

Every person is a free individual, with full liberty. NO one can encroach into your personal freedom. You have the right to live your life according to your own terms.

Never avoid a confrontation : its solves problems quickly and clears the air. Cold shoulders and silent treatments work only with a few. Go for a once-it-for-all confrontation and settle the matter. Don't let the wound simmer. Repair it with a suitable revenge. Healthy revenges enhance your life : check Mahabharat for details. It is full of revenges (Amba/Sikhandi, Duryodhan, Dronacharya, Drupad, Shakuni, Draupadi, Bheem, Arjun, Ashwathhama; all take their revenges). 

      Vs.

                 

Which picture of life are you? Which one would you prefer to be? Decide quickly. 

Be self-reliant emotionally.Are you a sucker for social validation?! You do NOT need anyone' certification to feel good about yourself. Kick that insecurity out of your mind. Why should you go to anyone? People should come to you. You should be able to draw them to you by your (professional) talent. 

Why should you be sad / cry when someone else is inadequate? Just chuck these people out of your life. Love only those people who deserve your love. Be strong in your determination to be happy, come what may. 

Do NOT allow judgmental people to ruin your life. Do not allow them to back-track on your life's decisions. Stop sleepwalking through life. Stop living instinctively, driven by 'norms'. Decide for yourself what you want to do in life. Think. Think deeply. Do NOT do anything, simply because you are "expected" to do it. DO it only because YOU want to do it. Be strong in stating what you feel is right. Put your foot down and live life according to your own principles.

Do not try to be conventional, when you know you can be exceptional. Refuse to live a pre-programmed life. You are NOT a robot. Never say, "Aisa hi hota aa raha hain". Think differently. You have the brains, right? Remind yourself of what your deserve. Snap out of your comfort zone, and take risks. Show yourself better and better things in life. Re-motivate yourself to live life to the fullest. Lead a life of fulfillment, excitement, hope, and satisfaction. Solve your problems, instead of chronically suffering them. 

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One needs to know, and search for, and find oneself. One needs to temporarily withdraw from the society, be in pure, unadulterated solitude, think (feel) deeply for a sufficiently long period of time; in order to recollect the SOUL, residing in the bio-chemical system called the human BODY. The way (path) to do that is through the neuro-chemical element called the MIND, aided by the Sahasrara Chakra (Pituitary Gland). Take your time. Know yourself. Take an efficient advantage of solitude and reinvent yourself. 

Smile. Love people. Praise. Encourage. Compliment. Gently nudge them in the right direction. Be idealistic, and shower it upon others. Wah hi karo, jo sahi hain.

Speak idealistically : everybody has a need to follow their Dharma (inherent property). Nature stays true to its Dharma : it does NOT corrupt. It is absolutely disciplined. It has its own rhythms and patterns. It does NOT break rules. You, as a human being, you are a drop of that ENERGY, having the same Dharma. Corruption only disturbs the energy balance. When this disturbance reaches unbearable proportions, Nature erupts in fury and crushes those who tried to (dared to) corrupt it. With a certain critical mass of corruption, Nature explodes into calamity, destroying everything.

Any A-Dharma is against Nature : you will be crushed if you corrupt. Every individual should self-teach and self-educate themselves about life. Self-reliance promotes survival (read flourish) : and your life is your responsibility. 

Dharma is the Equilibrium of this oscillating energy-system called Universe. Our  Sanaatan duty is to raise that bar continuously, generation after generation. Every single day, you need to do your Duty (Dharma).

        

Outer disturbances create unnecessary vibrations (noise) in your system. Solitude allows you the time to damp them out, and restore your natural frequency. But not all external disturbances are bad. See what a teacher/mentor/guide/coach does to you. They enhance your Dharma.

Inspiration : it is the external energy, whose frequency amplifies yours.
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Speak your mind, and then villainous stress-hormone cortisol will vanish. No more insulin-insensitivity, and no more of Type-2 diabetes! Is India (the diabetes capital) listening? STOP acting for God's sake! Acting (falsehood) stresses your conscious, subconscious, and unconscious minds. The worst untruth is the one spoken to oneself. Stop convincing yourself that you are happy when you know you are NOT! Is India listening? 

                              

The one and ONLY path towards happiness is HARD WORK. Nothing else gives fulfillment. Being lazy is equal to allowing others to write your destiny. Hard work makes you happy, proud, confident.Hard work is your fundamental duty. Being your best self is your Dharma. Do not "wait" for your dreams to come true. Realize them RIGHT now! Be bold. Take risks. Be responsible for your own decisions. If you want to enjoy your life, you need to make sacrifices. True freedom comes from taking full responsibility of your life.

When the perspiration due to hard work glitters on your forehead, you look handsome!!!!

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For most people, life is a time-pass. They don't know why they are living on this planet. They do not know how to kill their time on earth. People are simply waiting to die. Somehow they will "pass the time" they have been gifted by God on this beautiful planet, with stupid festivals (whose reason they have forgotten), parties, fights, debates, wars, gossips, marriage celebrations, ceremonial gatherings, rituals, etc., etc. '
  

                

Dear World!

         Get out of my way! Leave me alone! Stop expecting ordinary behavior from me. Stop advising me what to do, and start minding your own business. I cannot behave ordinarily : I have big dreams and ambitions. I will handle my life with my own intelligence. I will NOT slow down for anyone : you catch up with me or get left behind. I have my own convictions, and I will NOT compromise on them. I am determined to make a life of exactly my choice. I am NOT scared of anyone. I have refused to take 'advice' anymore. I have decided to STOP ACTING 'like others'. I have stopped feeling "guilty". I have accepted my uniqueness and decided to hone it. I have refused to tolerate any judgmental behavior. I can dare a confrontation now. I have released myself from traditional expectations of the society. I have full faith on my original incorruptible self. I have learnt how to dissipate all my negative energies and reset/refresh my soul. I have decided to refuse all compromises in life.  I have taken the life-long decision to maintain high standards. I have already learnt how to pull myself out of crap and write my own experience of life. I have become an exponentially stronger person. Having taken charge of my life and working harder to improve it, I feel more confident. I respect my own decisions and am sticking to them vehemently. Life has taken an enormous upswing. I am raring to go!

Signed

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Nabanita Datta

The most awesome year : 2014 (Report)

• March 2014 : Complete renovation of my office : Floor-tiling, false ceiling, new concealed electricals, modern lighting, accented distempering, the works.

• April 2014 : new research plans (Torsion-warping of container ships, Rudder vibration, Vortex-induced vibration of marine risers). Created Facebook page of my research group. https://www.facebook.com/avrg26/?eid=ARB1JYPSfbye1T5K5yfP44vNfvifGkgCS1hj-VuIpOFLPgqUt8Z2P_AOOSfY_cWxE2fsNc19tI7tsIEA

• May 2014 : My research students won the Best B.Tech Project and Best M.Tech Project (Mr. Joseph Thekinen) awards in the Department of Ocean Engg. and Naval Architecture, IIT Kharagpur. 

                                   

• June 2014 : I realized the true meaning of Article 21 of the Constitution of India. My new car Neelam (Maruti Alto 800) arrived. B.Tech student, Mr. Ankit, presented his work at the international conference OMAE2014, at San Francisco, California, USA. 

•                                    

• July 2014 : I started working with my first PhD student, and a new B.Tech student.

• July-August 2014 : Residence makeover : Kitchen and washroom tiling and furnishing, new electrical wiring, distempering the interiors with my favorite sandalwood hue.

• September 2014 : New high speed workstation for my research team, with several specialized softwares. 

• October 2014 : B.Tech student joined me for research, on vortex-induced vibration. M.Tech student, Mr. Ameya N. Kannamwar, presented his work at the international conference SNAME Maritime Convention, at Houston, Texas, USA.

• December 2014 : OMAE2015 paper co-authored with Mr. Rahul Jindal, on rudder vibration, submitted. All my students got placed in their first interview. Road trip to Mandarmani.