Think objectively : Have you seen social workers in the animal kingdom? Have you seen an animal itself dying to save another? Have you seen female animals pampering the egos of their male counterparts? Now you wonder why all of this, and much more, happen among us homo sapiens.
Wait wait, don't start the rant of "We are not animals, we are humans....". We ARE animals, well-bound within the undeniable Laws of Nature. Therefore let's get the fundamental rule straight : life wants to survive under all circumstances. Hence, self-sustenance is instinctive and imperative. Every single living organism wants to live and procreate. Nature sustains itself by competitively surviving and ensuring own growth and prosperity. Nature is Capitalistic. Period. You cannot help anyone grow unless you are yourself established and settled. It is a universal norm to first look after yourself and take care of your needs (physical, financial, social, emotional, intellectual).
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Delving deeper, we see that the animal kingdom is matriarchal. The family consists of mostly the mothers, aunts, grandmothers, and the babies. The males would be mostly solitary, except during big threats. They will be waiting for the female's call in the mating season. Once the sperm transfer is over, the males are let off, back to solitude and freedom. No one demands or expects their presence in the family. The off-springs instinctively gravitate to the mother; but often do not know who the father is. Female animals are always 'single' mothers. The father might hang around the family (almost) inconsequentially before retreating into solitude.
Delving deeper, we see that the animal kingdom is matriarchal. The family consists of mostly the mothers, aunts, grandmothers, and the babies. The males would be mostly solitary, except during big threats. They will be waiting for the female's call in the mating season. Once the sperm transfer is over, the males are let off, back to solitude and freedom. No one demands or expects their presence in the family. The off-springs instinctively gravitate to the mother; but often do not know who the father is. Female animals are always 'single' mothers. The father might hang around the family (almost) inconsequentially before retreating into solitude.
Cut to the human society. It is patriarchal (due to its agriculture-based economy), but conversely, the women are not left in their solitude and freedom. They are chained as slaves to patriarchy. While animal matriarchy is natural and laid-back, human patriarchy is artificial and regimented. Try to capture an animal and it will fight back and usually escape : it has strong survival instincts and physical abilities to preserve its freedom. Now, try to capture a female human. A normal, strong-willed, independent, self-respecting female will preserve her freedom. She will consciously and sub-consciously avoid, fight back, and defeat patriarchy. Then how is patriarchy running all over the world, for millennia, uninterrupted? Every generation knows that women need to be first hypnotized into this slavery. Who does that? Convent education. Convent education prepares females for a sleep-walk through a life under a patriarchal society.
Schooled in a girls-only convent education system for 11 years (1987-1998), I can safely say it is against the laws of Nature : impractical and 'idealistic'. It has unrealistic rules and expectations. It glorifies selflessness and self-sacrifice. It is here that girls are taught to be martyrs. They are taught to put themselves last. They are taught to forget they exist, and only care for others.
Convent-education chains normal human behavior, contorts instinctive thinking and distorts healthy feelings. Your tolerance threshold towards male-dominance is stretched to infinity. You are reprimanded if you show annoyance, even when it is justified. Rather, you are asked to forgive and forget. You are supposed to smile and take it in. You are told to bottle up feelings and put up a happy, cheerful front. Similarly, you are not allowed to show happiness at your success, lest it causes envy in others. You are supposed to be humble and discreet about your achievements.
The convent system rewards those who obey rules unquestioningly, and punishes those who try to be themselves. It stunts your mind's growth and openness. You never learn to be critical. You never see the preaching nun in the classroom as a normal human being, capable of making mistakes or having wrong ideas. Even before you are a teenager, notions are drilled into your head like "gospel truths" (black-and-white). You are craftily denied the time and opportunity to explore the world objectively, and discover your own version of truth and untruth yourself.
Convent-education chains normal human behavior, contorts instinctive thinking and distorts healthy feelings. Your tolerance threshold towards male-dominance is stretched to infinity. You are reprimanded if you show annoyance, even when it is justified. Rather, you are asked to forgive and forget. You are supposed to smile and take it in. You are told to bottle up feelings and put up a happy, cheerful front. Similarly, you are not allowed to show happiness at your success, lest it causes envy in others. You are supposed to be humble and discreet about your achievements.
The convent system rewards those who obey rules unquestioningly, and punishes those who try to be themselves. It stunts your mind's growth and openness. You never learn to be critical. You never see the preaching nun in the classroom as a normal human being, capable of making mistakes or having wrong ideas. Even before you are a teenager, notions are drilled into your head like "gospel truths" (black-and-white). You are craftily denied the time and opportunity to explore the world objectively, and discover your own version of truth and untruth yourself.
Conformism is put on a lofty pedestal. Girls are taught to be tame and amiable. Their brains are systematically wired into believing that submission to authority is paramount. Rebellion is crushed by value-judging. School-girls are labeled as "good", "bad", "obedient", "wild", "kind", etc. You are taught not to speak your mind, but mouth lines which are 'socially acceptable' and politically correct. Fear is instilled by incessant rebukes and reprimands. The spirit is broken like that of a circus animal! You face stereotypical expectations from one and all, and keep "trying" your best to win others' approval.
Naiveté is glamorized as being very attractive to the patriarchal male, who is expected to want a controllable, agency-less wife. Because marriage is epitomized as the aim of a woman's life, convent-education steps in and teaches the woman to be the "ideal" wife and the "ideal" mother. Guilelessness and ingenuousness are labeled attractive, and therefore encouraged in her behavior. You are supposed to act innocently and coyly all the time. Saccharine sweetness must reach cloying proportions to catch a husband! Good manners are taught to impress the would-be-in-laws, and constantly please them after marriage.
This is a dehumanizing process. Convent education tells you to put your own needs last! It exhorts selflessness, and asks you to forget that you yourself exist. It teaches you to think of others as priorities, drilling catchwords like "love", "service", "kindness", "care", "support", "sacrifice", into the female brain through the incessant moral-science classes. The school day begins with the morning prayer followed with songs (chimes) invoking notions like I-am-a-sinner-please-beat-me-God. It keeps repeating the dictum "live for others" and tells you to believe that unless you live for others, you cannot wash away your "sins".
Convent-education is a factory-line production. It does not respect your individuality. You are supposed to fit a certain mold to be "good enough" for others. It reinforces feminine stereotypes, and any aberration from that behavior is severely admonished. You are under a constant critical scrutiny. There is a permanent code-of-conduct. You cannot laugh loudly, cannot jump, cannot run, cannot be rude, cannot answer back, cannot rebel. You have to always be prim-and-proper and 'oh so lady-like!' You have to be congenial all the time and put up plastic smiles. This affected behavior (called 'nyaakaa' in Bengali) is just nauseatingly repulsive for a sufficiently intelligent person. A prude goody-two-shoes is initially amusing, but soon becomes irritating. Such a pretentious facade come across as phony and artificial. But the convent-education continues to consolidate this hypnotized grooming year after year, till a robot-ish young woman graduates and faces the big bad world.
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And then, out in the real world, she is up for a jolt! She finds the world far more practical (Darling, idealism is only a theory), self-serving (Yup! what is wrong in that?), advantage-seeking (nature's rule, accept it), and "cruel" (actually normal).
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Any intelligent girl in a convent-education system feels suffocated. She can easily see through this artificial drama. Some girls simply play along, since they know they can be themselves after the school-hours. Others completely buy into it and take it as an absolute truth. But between the two extremes, most people are neither too intelligent (to see through the whole drama) nor too courageous (to openly rebel). A systematic brain-washing of 12 years often leads to learned helplessness. Girls learn to adjust, comply, obey, fall-in-line.
Such women never learn to be fully themselves. After school life, as they interact with more and more of the real world, they try to be as idealistic as possible, upholding their values. But, sooner or later, more and more people seem to be giving them "rude shocks", over and over again. By the time they realize they have been living a hoax (that the world had been making a C****** out of them), it is too late to (re-)learn the natural authenticity from scratch and assert themselves as normal humans. Hopelessly, they continue the old façade, waiting for appreciation for being "so sweet". (People who have taken sh*t, upon later realization, insist that the shit is justified! They do this in order to save face and feel better, whereas in reality, they are only lying to themselves).
Such women never learn to be fully themselves. After school life, as they interact with more and more of the real world, they try to be as idealistic as possible, upholding their values. But, sooner or later, more and more people seem to be giving them "rude shocks", over and over again. By the time they realize they have been living a hoax (that the world had been making a C****** out of them), it is too late to (re-)learn the natural authenticity from scratch and assert themselves as normal humans. Hopelessly, they continue the old façade, waiting for appreciation for being "so sweet". (People who have taken sh*t, upon later realization, insist that the shit is justified! They do this in order to save face and feel better, whereas in reality, they are only lying to themselves).
Victim-card : Convent education teaches you to suffer for others, becoming a victim yourself. This strategy will backfire in an intelligent/practical environment, where normal people easily see through this psychological manipulation of playing the victim card. Embracing suffering for others sake can be easily perceived as a guilt-invoking tactic to win brownie points. No one likes sob stories. Yup, you actually get taunted for playing a martyr. It irritates normal people simply because it is abnormal and unnatural. Such females later become suckers for personal, social, and professional appreciation and validation. They feel worthwhile only after someone praises them. They work their asses off to get in others' good books and win praise. They pretend to be Mother Teresa and demand the Nobel Prize. Gadhhi, teri apni koi life nahin hain kya?
Convent education teaches you to be politically correct. You cannot honestly speak your mind. You cannot show anger. You must always be patient and forgiving. You are hypnotized into praising others even if they don't deserve it. You start downplaying yourself to make others feel better. The male-centric patriarchal society wants women to step back and put the spotlight on the husband. Threrefore, convent-education hypes "virtues" like humility and down-to-earth behavior. You keep showering praise on others, hoping for some reciprocation. Stretching it too far, you become a doormat. Later in life, such women who have been lying to praise/raise/comfort others may realize this drama and explode, and create more enemies unnecessarily.
Girls are made to forget that there is a word called "NO" in the dictionary. They act as if they are paid to be polite all the time! What is holding them at gun-point and asking them to forget about themselves? Fear. Fear of being judged and labeled by the society as "selfish". Of course, the patriarchal society will do exactly that! It always needs such tame women to maintain patriarchal law and order (read patriarchal values/ culture/ tradition). Why do you think convent-educated women are in high demand in the marriage market? Convent-education is brainwashing impressionable girls for 12 years and making them sweet, nice, kind, polite, soft, obedient, etc., etc. before releasing them as nubile products in the marriage market, for men to take home as a trophy and a Slave (domestic slave, sex slave, reproductive slave). Men silently enjoy it, having a joy-ride of patriarchy whereas you end up doing all the heavy-lifting.
Convent-educated women usually lack self-esteem. They feel inadequate all the time. They are constantly trying to "prove themselves" to be worthy of external appreciation. They are programmed in believing that getting a scolding from an authority figure is nirvana. They buy into the guilt very easily. They never learn to answer back and defend themselves. They believe that "others are right" and "others know more than me". Never sure of themselves, they end up seeking opinions and advice every now and then. They look up to others as 'guardians' and 'superiors', thinking "others know more than me". They get easily convinced to help/support/go-out-of-way-to-serve others. No wonder they get trampled all their lives. More practical people use such sweet and nice women to manipulate them for their own advantage/benefit, and then trash/ignore them royally. Convent-education trains them to take shit without realizing it as shit! Taking such shit from all and sundry 24/7/365, convent-educated women begin to question the meaning of their own lives. Since they don't have the courage to assert themselves, they take is at a 'way of life' and re-hypnotize themselves by "learning to count their blessings" as 'Sister taught them in the moral-science class'.
Convent-educated women usually lack a strong personality. They are always 'wagging their tails' before others, begging for sweet (read patronizing) behavior from others. They give in to bullies even before the fight begins and start crying. Playing helpless damsels-in-distress and surrendering are oh-so-feminine! Really?! No wonder men make them Chutiyaa-s, all the bloody time. They hand over their lives control to someone else, and blame him when something goes wrong. Wow! Convent-education is a brilliant system to train the future dumb assistants of patriarchy. Such women will always look up to someone else to salvage them (socially/financially/emotionally). They accept patronizing and condescending behavior like blessings, and obediently fall in line like a school-girl. They are always ready to be ordered by and taken-to-task by anyone. Their natural defenses are blunted. It is as if written on their foreheads : "Come, Batter me!". They are oh-so-happy to be under the scanner and be constantly scrutinized. They get a "progress report card" at regular intervals, and they promise to fare better next time. Any "mistake" of theirs is frowned upon : "how dare she fail to be the model woman?" It is very easy to guilt-trip them. They buy into "constructive criticism" and are never truly happy. A constant people-pleaser, they allow anyone to sit on their heads and boss them around.
Since such a woman gladly takes shit, the world gladly cooperates : there are endless people to remind her that her hair is wrong, her skin is wrong, her dress is wrong, her fashion-choices are wrong, her make-up is wrong, her gait is wrong, her facial expression is wrong, her cooking is wrong, her singing is wrong, her mothering-skills are wrong, her comment is wrong, her opinion is wrong, her joke is wrong, her life-choice is wrong, her job-choice is wrong, her money-handling is wrong, her choice of hobbies is wrong, etc., etc. She is constantly insecure and trying to prove "I am good enough". Does she have the self-esteem to retort, "Who are you to judge me?" Naah! Can she assert herself by risking an argument? Naah! Can she fight for her self-esteem (swabhimaan)? Naah! Does she have the courage to snap ties with the judgmental person? Naah!
Convent education breeds a vicious cycle : women trapped by its brainwashing want other women also to become the same as them. I was in Class 6. A nun took the moral science class, teaching us to be lady-like a well-behaved, since "one day you will be the wives of big big doctors, engineers". (Yes! She actually said it). Even the sari-clad sindoor-smeared teachers spoke similarly. They taught us in class 8 that "Girls have to leave their parents' home and go away after marriage". What else could they tell to the students, after themselves surrendering to patriarchy? They had eagerly taken up their nurturing motherly caretaker roles, and got typecast for life. It is a vicious cycle of patriarchy creating a market for convent-educated women, and convent education allowing the free run of patriarchy : both systems feeding off each other and it is an endless downward spiral.
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Sala band karo yeh fargi-yappa!
Regimentation is for cattle, not for intelligent humans with decision-making ability, logic and reason. Rules and regulations can be respected, without sacrificing your own self-esteem. I unlearnt this 12-year convent education in a few years after leaving that artificial environment. Yes, there were rude shocks: people walking over me (and me realizing it after it was too late), people guilt-tripping me (without me answering back), people using my time and resources (without me getting anything in return), etc. Things changed by the time I graduated from college. Survival instincts stopped my tail-wagging, and whetted my claws. My solid sense of self-esteem kicked away anyone who tried to crush it (three persons even got slapped). Revenges were taken on anyone who tried to take me for granted. No compromises were made to fit-in and conform : that would have been a laughable situation. I trivialized and trashed all patriarchal expectations from the society (family, relatives, friends, acquaintances, etc.) and today, I live absolutely free, exactly as I want, 24/7/365. Today I can say I am neither 'good' nor 'bad', I am normal. I am usually polite, but not goody-two-shoes. I am palatable, but not saccharine sweet. I don't scare anyone, and neither do I get scared. I am indifferent to comments and trolls. I groom myself to be presentable, but don't worry non-stop about clothes/accessories/make-up/hairstyle. I have friends but I fiercely protect my solitude. I support others, but not without asking questions. I don't smile if I don't feel like. I usually don't move a finger unless money is on the table. I respect my parents but don't worship them. I listen to feedback but answer back when it starts bordering on patronizing. Convent education could not tame me. Toh patriarchy ki kya aukaat?
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