Yes, deal with this truth. Do not be shocked. Women are employed by men in their houses. The process of employment is called "marriage". It is the lifetime job contract of a woman. In patriarchy, where men control money and power, they employ (i) other men and the few qualified available women in their workplaces (fields / workshops / companies / offices / agencies / start-ups), and (ii) women in their houses (wives, cooks, maids). That is why when a girl is not able to find a job, she knows she has the fallback option of marriage (an exploited position) to ensure survival.
Before you trash this fact, observe carefully. Does any relationship in this world survive without an economic angle? Only and only the mother-child bond does not involve any money, which still comes with high expectations of widowhood support.
How come you did not realize it until now? Watch and ask yourself:
- Why are housewives on their toes all the time? (How often do you see women relaxing/ chilling at home?)
- Why do women shift to their husband's house upon marriage? (the venue of a person's service cannot be separate from the person)
- Why is your father ordering your mother all the time?
- Why don't men want to do household chores? (Because they have already employed women to do that and 'woh sab auraton ka kaam hain').
- When you mother goes to her Maayka, why is the maid instructed to cook also? (Mother is actually replaceable by a salaried cook!)
- When your mother/wife is out of station, why does the house look and sound and feel 'different', and why is the normal decorum of the house absent?
- Why is your mother clearing the mess all the time?
- Why is marital rape not a crime in India?
- If the chance of egg-fertilization is only 1/28, i.e. one day in 28 days of a menstrual cycle, then why is India so highly populated? (Men are doing their wives everyday, almost as a physiological need).
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1) Making the girl employable.
Put into the little head of the 5-year-old girl that "one day she has to go away". Teach her to be quiet and congenial. She should be slow and soft and demure all the time. Tell her never to speak her mind. Teach her to smile through anger. Give her a convent education, where all this is drilled into her head for a decade. Do not let her do anything that scares the fragile ego of the Company (Sasural).
2) Eligibility Criteria.
Every woman-employing Company (Sasural) demands the following:
(a) Age. You should be young enough to have lots of fresh eggs in your ovaries for fertilization. Also you should be young enough not to have opinions / confidence / worldly experience / self-esteem / success / money / fame / power.
(b) Virginity. Hymen is compulsory. No penis should have entered your vagina before. We don't want a dirty uterus. We want a 'fresh' female reproductive system to marinate and cook our heir. (We do not care about the biological fact that your menstrual period cleans your uterus and vagina every 4 weeks.)
(c) Domestic Competence. You should be able to look after the house fully. The husband is busy earning money outside the home. When he comes back, he should feel he is entering a hotel with a restaurant. You have to look after the housekeeping requirements on a daily basis.
(d) Cooking skills. You need to be able to cook anything and everything according to the tastes of the Company's bosses.
(e) Education. Do not be too educated : we do not require a 'brain' in our employee. Women who are knowledgeable, and hence tend to ask too many questions, need not apply. School education is required, such that you are able to supervise your children's homework.
(f) Looks. Good looks are paramount because (i) We need to show you off as the daughter-in-law, and (ii) your husband should find you attractive enough to impregnate you. We also need fair skin, because we need a fair off-spring from you. You should have a good figure to indicate your fertility.
(g) Salary. If employed elsewhere, your salary cannot be more than your husband's, and night shift is not preferred.
3) Sending your application.
(a) Photo : Dress traditionally and modestly, with light make-up and jewelry, and get half-length and full-length colored photos clicked.
(b) Mention your height and complexion, along with education and family background.
Tips for a successful application : Use Photoshop for lightening your complexion and highlighting your figure. Hide difficult and irrelevant data (like qualifications and salary).
4) Audition / Interview process.
The boy and his parents (a few more relatives), will visit your house. You have to dress up and serve tea/snacks on a tray to all the Company members. The boy's family will watch your gait and manners. Then you will have to quietly sit in front of them to be scrutinized. Domestic questions follow and you are supposed to give the expected answers softly, without eye contact. The prospective mother-in-law will ask if you can cook, clean, stitch, sew, sing, etc. You may be asked to stand, smile, walk around, sing, etc. as a part of the interview process.
You yourself are not allowed to ask any questions. If the Company finds you suitable, the deal will be closed with your parents.
5) Job Contract.
(a) Domestic Slavery. You need to cook (according to other's needs), clean, do laundry, make the bed, arrange the cupboard, clean the shoes, supervise the maid, do grocery, store leftovers, keep the kitchen stocks, do dusting, do flower arrangement, decorate the house, welcome guests, clean up the dining table, do pest-control.
(b) Sex Slavery. Your body is not your own. You husband can pounce upon you anytime. You have to lie next to him on the double bed every night, waiting to be grabbed. You have to dress well and wear make-up to entice your husband as much as possible, until a son is born.
(c) Reproductive Slavery. You need to give birth to your husband's children. The children born will be considered belonging to the Company and will bear the Company's name/surname. The narrative will be set that "these children have only the Company's genes", even though your ovum (egg, with 23 chromosomes) will be used to create them. You will be expected to relinquish your genetic right over the children born from your own uterus, accompanied with terrible hormonal issues, calcium depletion, blood loss, energy depletion. You will be taken care of during the pregnancy.
(d) Place of stay : You will need to stay in the premises of the Company 24/7/365.
(e) Son-production. You need to give birth to a son as soon as possible to run the Company further. If no son is born, the Company will shut down after 20-25 years.
(f) External employment. You are discouraged from seeking external employment for "pocket money", because it will interfere with your duty-hours in this Company. If you insist, you will be 'allowed' in part-time external employment. If you seek full-time employment out of this Company, you have to complete your Company duties sacrificing your sleep / hobbies / relaxation time. You are not permitted to talk about the trials and tribulations of your outside employment inside the Company.
(g) Daily reporting time : 6 AM - 11 PM. Optional Break : 1-2 hours post lunch. Daily attendance is compulsory.
(i) Morning Shift: Wake everyone up with bed tea. Pack children's school bag. Layout children's school uniforms/shoes and husband's office wear. Take breakfast orders from everyone and prepare it before they leave for work/school. Feed children. Pack lunch-boxes for husband / children. Hand over the office-bag / wallet / pen / hanky to the husband and see him off at the main door. Do laundry. Do grocery. Instruct the maid in dusting / brooming / mopping / doing the dishes. Check utility supplies and re-order as and when needed using the Company credit card. Make the beds of all bedrooms. Arrange study tables of husband and children. Hang out washed clothes on the clothesline. Give food and medicines to in-laws. Do dusting. Quickly take bath. Do Puja and distribute Prasad to the in-laws. Cook lunch. Clear the kitchen counter. Arrange the dining table. Serve lunch to in-laws. Wait upon them until they finish. Quickly have your own lunch. Clear the dining table. Store away leftovers in the fridge.
(ii) Evening Shift : Fetch dried laundry from the clothesline, fold them, iron them, and distribute them in each one's closet. Feed children when they return from school. Unpack their bags and put their clothes for laundry. Supervise children's homework. Serve tea to in-laws. You may have tea if you want. Light incense and do the evening Puja. Dress up well before your husband returns from work. Once he returns, carry his bag to his desk, bring him a glass of water, place his shoes on the rack, pick up his socks for laundry. Hand him the towel for him to freshen up. when he is in the bathroom, layout his evening clothes out form the closet, and put his office clothes for laundry. Handle the kids so that they do not disturb him. Plan dinner menu. Cook dinner. Clear the kitchen counter. Arrange the dining table. Serve dinner to the whole family. Wait upon them until they finish. Quickly have your own dinner. Clear the dining table. Store away leftovers in the fridge. Put children to bed. Freshen up and enter the bedroom in a nice nighty. Lie on the bed and cooperate with you husband from his erection to his orgasm. Put the alarm for the next day, and take some rest.
(iii) Festival overtime. You need to cook traditional dishes and delicacies during festivals. You also need to decorate the house appropriately and dress up for the occasion. Relatives and guests will be visiting during the festivals : you need to entertain them and cook according to their tastes. Because the maid will be on leave during festivals, you need to do all her tasks during this time.
(iv) Visitors overtime. When visitors come, you need to arrange for coffee/snacks/dinner. You need to do small talk with them even if you are not interested.
(h) Dress code. Dress modestly and preferably, traditionally. Dress tastefully with jewelry/accessories such that the Company can show you off to visitors. Do not wear western attire before your in-laws. You need to wear anklets such that we can hear your movements all the time. If your husband passes away, they widow-dress-code will be applicable.
(i) Behavior. You have to smile and be congenial all the time. You have to be quiet when your bosses are talking. If you don't like something, adjust. You are not allowed to show your feelings / frustrations or reveal your problems. If you show anger, the Company will notify you parents about your questionable mental health.
6) Company Management Structure.
(a) Main Boss : Mother-in-law. You will take direct bosses from her on a daily basis.
(b) Bedroom Boss : Husband. You have to provide sexual entertainment, preferably every night, to him. Your choice and consent are immaterial. (Marital rape is not a crime in India). He will address you as "Tum", but you have to address him as "Aap".
(c) Drawing room Boss : Father-in law. You should make eye contact with him. Be quiet and only listen when he gives instructions to meet his demands. Leave everything and attend to him whenever his calls "Bahu.....".
(d) Regular Inspection team : Sisters-in-law, company's neighbors, and company's relatives. (they are empowered to give feedback to the Bosses for annual appraisals).
7) Salary Structure and CTC.
(a) Food. You will get to eat the leftovers after everyone has finished eating and left. Your nutrition and health are not the company's lookout. Please make your own tea in the morning/evening. Do not eat before your husband has eaten. If your husband passes away, the widow-diet will be applicable.
(b) Electricity. You get to use the electricity for running appliances to serve the company, and your own needs.
(c) Clothes. You will get clothes during festivals. Company groceries / shopping will include your sanitary pads, and toilet items (toothbrush, soap, shampoo, safety pins, etc.). For make-up, accessories (shoe, bag, etc.), and other small merchandise, you will get some pocket money.
(d) Internet. You may use the Company Wi-Fi.
(e) Bedroom. You will get an unfurnished bedroom which you will share with your husband. It may or may not have an attached bathroom. Your parents will need to provide the bed, mattresses, pillows, bedsheets, pillow-covers, blankets, almirah, dressing table, closet, initial set of clothes and toiletries, etc. in dowry.
8) Leave, benefits, superannuation benefits.
(a) You can visit your parent's house (Maayka) when you are seriously ill or pregnant.
(b) TV. You get some entertainment in the afternoons.
(c) Shopping and dining out. Your husband will treat you with a day out depending on his mood and pocket.
(d) You will be entitled to your husband's wealth and property upon his death.
(e) Medical. Do not complain of illnesses to escape from your daily duties. It does not matter if you are sick or have any ailment. Medical leaves will require you to go to your parents' house. Your periods are never to be mentioned. Do not have medicines unless extremely urgent : you should be able to endure body-aches / headaches / etc.
(f) There are no casual leaves, weekends leaves, or festival leaves. An annual leave may be planned by your husband, but you still need to be 'on-duty' during the vacation : packing bags, arranging paraphernalia, handling kids, etc.
(g) Sex. Your sexual satisfaction is not your husband's lookout. As a good woman, you should not think about sex.
9) Onboarding Plan and Joining Bonus.
Week-long pre-wedding, wedding, and post-wedding rituals will hypnotize you into a compliant employee of this Company. Before you know it, you will be sleepwalking through this daily rigmarole, and yet proudly announce your marital status in social media.
You will be treated with a fully funded honeymoon with your husband, where you will get enough sex-practice, and also learn to tolerate your husband's inferior hygiene and tantrums.
10) Promotion Policy. If you bear a son, you will be promoted to a Mother-in-law after 3 decades. Otherwise, you will have to continue your job till you die.
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Now that the contract details, terms, and conditions are fully laid out to you, you may sign this contract at your own risk. Do not fight later about the Company's demands and expectations.
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Disclaimer : This blog does not include other marriage complications like caste-system, horoscopes, domestic violence, and adultery.
